


Compilations

by SirLadySketch



Series: You Wouldn't Download A Boy [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Canon Divergent, Gen, Implied VanKai, M/M, Replicas, Tags will change as I write more drabbles, i guess?, identity crisis, is this the real life?, minor SoRiku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-07-16 04:20:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16078292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirLadySketch/pseuds/SirLadySketch
Summary: When Roxas wakes up, he's not looking forward to his last week of summer vacation. Fortunately (unfortunately?) he's woken up in a lab surrounded by strangers, and one of them is yelling about how he's not really Roxas. Long story short, Roxas finds out he's actually a puppet created out of memories of another guy named Roxas and that he's all that's left. This leaves him with a couple of problems:1. Now that there's no homework to finish, he has no idea what it is he's supposed to be doing2. The other Roxas was Shouting Guy's best friend3. Shouting Guy is really hot





	1. Download Complete

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AkuRoku companion fic to my [**_Defragmentation_ ** fic ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15828612/chapters/36853485), but this time from Data!Roxas' point of view. I suggest reading Defrag first as this pulls heavily from that. One other thing to note is that this fic's rating will ultimately be 'E'-- that chapter will be marked appropriately, all others are teen+.

He’s cold.

Cold, and wet, and he’s laying on something hard, although he managed to cocoon himself in a fluffy blanket somewhere along the way. He must’ve fallen asleep on the roof again, watching for a late summer meteor shower, one of the only good things about summer vacation ending, and it must’ve rained in the night, but then he went …. downstairs into his room…. to grab his comforter…? Before… coming back…? Out to the wet roof to sleep?

That doesn’t make any sense, and besides, it doesn’t _smell_ like the town after a rainstorm. It smells slightly acrid, almost like disinfectant, and the liquid he feels on his skin has an oily, almost soapy feel to it. And even without opening his eyes he can tell that he’s naked under the blanket, and that’s _definitely_ not normal and completely kills the ‘sleeping on the roof’ theory.

On top of that, he’s got a splitting headache and his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and it tastes like he’s been licking salt. The room is humming, and now that he’s thinking about it, although his body is cold, his hands are warm and tingling, almost like someone’s been sitting beside him and holding his hand while he slept.

Has he been sleeping? He tries to think of the last thing he can remember, but his brain is too fuzzy and hurts too much to come up with any distinct memories. He knows, vaguely, that it’s the end of summer-- he’s got homework that he’s procrastinated on long enough that they’re all gonna have to work together to get it done-- and he’s been trying to enjoy every last minute of it. Had he gotten sick? Was he in a hospital? That would explain the smells and the sound of humming machinery, but not the wet slime, or the hand-holding feeling.

The only way he can figure it out is if he opens his eyes, but the light is blinding and it _burns_ , sending a wave of pain rolling through his body that he can feel in his bones. He can’t hold back the moan as the aches begin to set in, but before his eyes can adjust to the bright light he’s being _hauled_ up into a sitting position and crushed against a very solid, very warm chest.

“You’re finally awake,” rumbles a voice from within that chest, and it’s even warmer than the heat coming off the guy’s skin.

He bites back nausea from the sudden movement, but he’s still cold so Roxas leans into his new best friend, basking in the almost burning touch. But the contact is brief and the guy pulls away, helping him sit up and wrap the blanket even closer around himself. The light doesn’t hurt quite so much now, and as the sickening roll of his stomach starts to fade his vision clears a bit and he’s able to get a good look at the person who grips his hand like he’s going to float away.

It’s a guy. It’s a guy with ridiculously spiky bright red hair and a grin stretching from ear to ear, as though seeing Roxas awake has given him a new lease on life.

Roxas has no idea who he is.

Roxas squints at him, trying to remember if he’s ever seen him before. Maybe he’s a doctor? Or maybe he’d seen him around town when he hung out with the gang. He looks _vaguely_ familiar, but Roxas already knows that if he’d met him before, he’d remember him. Even sitting he’s looking down at him, which means he’d probably tower over Roxas if they stood side by side.

And his face, he’s…. Roxas hesitates at saying ‘pretty’, but the guy’s face is elegant with a long, delicate nose and intense green eyes that contrast against the stark bright red of his hair. He looks like he’s probably all sharp angles, too, with those high cheekbones and pointy chin, except that everything is softened by that _smile_. He’s looking at Roxas like he’s the most important person in the universe, and Roxas flushes a little under the intensity of that gaze. The guy’s focus on Roxas is also kinda intimidating, like he asked a question and everything depends on Roxas’ response.

“How are you feeling?”

Roxas is spared having to respond when someone else interrupts, and he shifts to look at the other speaker. Another unfamiliar face and something about this guy sets his teeth on edge, although the guy pouring heat into his hand gives it a reassuring squeeze. Then he notices even more movement and he realizes that Mr. Dark & Broody and Mr. Radiator aren’t the only people in the room. There are… a _lot_ of people.

He looks around all the unfamiliar faces, and lands back on Mr. Radiator, the one who’s happiest to see him. He’s still holding Roxas’ hand, although Roxas still hasn’t been able to figure out how they know each other. He looks down at it, briefly, then looks into the guy’s face again.

“Who…?” he starts, and then he catches sight of some familiar faces at last and relief floods his system. He lets go of the guy’s hand to tug up the blanket, even as he tries to figure out how to get off the table without bumping into anyone.

“Hayner! Pence! Olette!”

Another vaguely familiar guy prevents him from falling over when he moves too quickly, and then it’s yet another guy who starts asking him questions about how he’s feeling, and can he tell him how many fingers he’s holding up. The young guy is the doctor, then, but it doesn’t matter because the gang is here and they’re smiling at him, so whatever happened must’ve been awful. He’s gonna have to buy them ice cream for a week to make up for it, whatever _it_ is.

“Hey Roxas,” Hayner greets him, and Roxas holds out his hand to do their secret shake, but Hayner flubs it less than two moves in. Olette smiles but doesn’t quite look at him, and he tugs up the blanket further, feeling a flush crawl across his skin. More than anything, he _really_ wishes he had a shirt or something.

Then the doctor guy orders him to look into his pen light for a minute. Roxas is still blinking away spots when Mr. Radiator jumps to his feet, startling Roxas out of the surreal daze he’d fallen into.

“You’re telling me that after everything we went through, everything I fought for, I _died_ for, you weren’t able to save my best friend?”

Roxas shivers a bit at the cold in the guy’s voice, a complete change from his bedside manner only a few minutes ago. He doesn’t know why but his heart begins to race, but whether it’s fear or something else he can’t tell, and he doesn’t get a chance to process it because the familiar looking guy with brown hair stands up too, hands on hips.

“He’s still Roxas, Axel,” the guy says, although he takes a step back at the look ‘Axel’ gives him. Roxas would, too, if all that anger was focused on him.

“This _thing_ is not Roxas!” hisses Axel, and he’s pointing at Roxas. “ _This_ is just a… copy! A stupid, useless puppet that has the _gall_ to wear Roxas’ face without having _any_ of Roxas inside it! It’s just worthless data!”

Roxas shrinks back on the table, pulling the blanket closer around himself as if that could ward off the guy’s strange and hurtful words. His head still aches, he’s wet and he feels _weird_ and dizzy, and the guy who was so gentle and warm at first has chilled to a cutting edge.

Hayner, Pence, and Olette shift so that they’re standing in front of him, forming a physical barrier between Roxas and Axel, which gives him enough space to suck in a breath and try to calm his racing heart. He feels dazed, like he’s been skateboarding and the board was yanked out from under him, and there’s a slight ringing in his ears as he feels his blood pressure rise.

Then a bundle of something soft is pushed into his arms, and it’s the doctor handing him what looks to be a bundle of clothes. They’re not _his_ clothes, he doesn’t own anything in these colors, but it’s enough to ground him, and he focuses on Axel since he’s the one drawing the most attention to himself.

“I don’t understand,” Roxas says at last, knowing that he’s missing something _important_ , feeling a need to say _something_ but not knowing what it is he’s supposed to say, or even who to say it to. His head hurts and the noise is only making it worse, and his heart’s racing like he’s been running for miles, but he just doesn’t understand what’s going on and nothing is making any sense.

If he did something to make Axel angry, to hurt Axel’s best friend, it would make sense that he was angry with Roxas. But it doesn’t match up to the relieved smile he’d given Roxas when he first woke up, and besides Roxas doesn’t _know_ this guy or his best friend, he doesn’t even know how he got here.

He waits for Axel to say something, to explain, to help Roxas understand what is going on. But  Axel doesn’t even look at him, he just turns around and walks up the stairs and out of the room, ignoring the irritated complaints from the others. The girl he’d been standing with just looks sad, but Roxas is shielded from the rest of it when Pence steps up and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t pay attention to him, man, he’ll get over it.” He grins down at Roxas, then gestures to the room at large. “We’ve got a _lot_ to catch you up on, but why don’t we start with getting you dressed? Don’t worry, it’ll just be me and Hayner.”

Relief floods through him again, and he gives his friend a grateful smile. “Yeah,” he says, but he can’t help looking over at the place where Axel stormed out. He can feel the prick of tears at the corners of his eyes, and when people pretend not to notice, he’s grateful.

He’s grateful that it’s his two friends who help him upstairs into one of the rooms. That they let him shower and change in private, even though they’re standing guard outside of the door. That they’re there, sitting right next to him as the familiar boy who introduces himself as “Sora” sits down across from him and begins to explain. That after, they don’t say anything about how he reacts, or hold what he says in the heat of the moment against him. That they’re still there, after all that, and they don’t expect him to say or do anything except to think about what they’ve said.

In fact, the only thing they ask before they give him some space is if they can get him anything to make him more comfortable. He’s grateful that they don’t ask him how he feels.

He’s cold.


	2. Data Coverage Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys should listen to the Cowboy Bebop movie OST to get in the mood for this chapter, specifically, "Is It Real?": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=826enywt3tk

Roxas decides that he likes Sora.

Sora is a nice guy. He's patient and understanding, calm and considerate. He answers all of Roxas' questions, and weathers Roxas' outbursts. He actually spends the whole day and most of the evening with him just to help him adjust to the reality of this place and to let him know he's not alone. He promises to stick by Roxas' side to help him with whatever he needs, and assures him that everything is gonna work out in the end.

In fact, Sora only leaves Roxas on his own when Riku comes into the room and interrupts a story about dalmatian puppies, telling them that they need to get some rest. They've stayed up half the night talking and it seems like Sora could keep talking for ages, but Riku refuses to leave until Sora goes to bed. Sora hems and haws but eventually agrees that it's probably best if they get some sleep, and leads Roxas to one of the less decrepit rooms of the mansion.

It's nothing but bare white walls and cold tile floors, but the bed is clean and the room is private. Sora promises that "we're just down the hall if you need us!" Not the Twilight Town trio, of course, they all have their own homes to go back to-- Roxas even knows where they all live, he's visited them at home often enough.

Except, of course, he really hasn't.

He's exhausted and numb, mentally drained from having his entire world wrenched out from underneath of him. Kairi's already gone to bed but she left him a glass of water on his bedside table and short note telling him she'll see him in the morning. Riku watches from the doorway as Sora says his goodnights, going so far as to give Roxas a brief, somewhat awkward hug before closing the door behind them.

Roxas can hear their low voices as they walk down the hall towards their own room, then, finally, the click of the door as they shut themselves in for the night. This far from town, the usual city noises he's used to falling asleep to are muffled and distorted, and he collapses onto the bed, wrapping the pillow around his ears and curling up into himself, wishing for this nightmare to end.

They keep telling him that this is reality, that this is what his life really will be, nothing more than a copy of some guy who wasn't supposed to exist in the first place. That he's leftover data, printed onto a leftover puppet, and that he's free to do whatever he wants now. All the while they keep telling him about who he really was, or rather, who the other Roxas was, and acting as if they expect that he'll just pick up where he left off. But from what he can tell, the other Roxas had no idea what he was doing either. There's cold comfort in that, at least.

He shivers. He hasn't been able to get warm all day, not since he woke up in that terrible room in the mansion's basement. They've given him new clothes and he's still got the scarf from Axel-- _Lea_ \--but there's an underlying chill, a cold that sets his teeth on edge and makes his bones ache. Does he even _have_ bones? That’s one of those questions he wants to ask but is terrified to know the answer to; more reminders of how he’s not actually human, not actually _real,_ make his eyes sting and his heart race. He closes his eyes and tries to bury his face in the mattress, but he knows that he’s not going to get any sleep tonight.

Eventually, the unfamiliar stiffness of the mattress and the abnormal quiet of the room has him up and out of bed, pacing the floors, rubbing hands up and down his arms in an attempt to bring heat back into those limbs. The room’s only window is covered by a curtain, and when he pulls it back to try to get some air, there’s only cold darkness on the other side. And instead of cool air, all he’s done is invite in the shadows, and they creep into the starkness of the room, somehow managing to make the white room dim.

Of all the things he never had, he never thought he’d miss his silly starlight lamp the most. Of course, he could go down the hall and ask Sora if there are more blankets, or at the very least, if there’s a small light or candle or something he could use to keep the shadows at bay. He has the feeling that Sora wouldn’t make fun of him-- based on the retelling of his adventures, Sora’s had to face the terrible things that lurk in the dark all too often. He’d probably even offer to stay in the room with him, if he wanted, because he seems like the kind of person who’d go out of his way to make sure that other people are happy.

Roxas almost feels bad running away.

_Almost._

To be honest, he hasn't thought this one through very well. But he has the window open in no time and it’s low enough to the ground that he can jump out without hurting himself. He hesitates, feeling a bit weird about taking the scarf, but he’s cold and Lea more or less abandoned it when he left, so he wraps that around his neck and zips up his borrowed hoodie before scrambling over the sill and into the darkened garden. The gate makes a low groan as he pushes it open, but no lights go on in the house, no sounds of people waking up to come look for him, so he runs for it, towards the only place he’s ever known.

From the get-go, things are strange. All of his memories are of living around town, but this Twilight Town is.... different. He can't quite put his finger on it, but as he runs downs what should be familiar streets, it feels bigger, emptier than the place he called home. There are side streets he's never seen, shops with unfamiliar names. Even the stars overhead are brighter and more abundant than the sky of his home.

He stops on a quiet street overlooking a road that allows for an expansive view of the lower city and, on a good day, glimpses of the sea. Tonight the building is dark, but even through the shadows Roxas can tell that his bedroom window isn’t there. It looks like the place is a shop of some sort, although he’s unfamiliar with the brands listed on the storefront’s signs. The window that should be his is closed against the night air, no sign of the mobiles and plants he hung in his room, no telescope for stargazing, no pillows to make window watching more comfortable. It’s just cold, plain stone, and he shivers again.

“You don’t have to face this on your own, you know. I was gonna bring you by when you were ready.”

Sora’s voice is quiet, but in the deathly stillness of the streets he might as well be shouting. Roxas scrubs at his eyes before turning around, finding Sora leaning against the wall across the street. He pushes off and walks over to Roxas, grabbing his hand and leading him away. He gives it a tight squeeze and doesn’t say anything as Roxas continues to cry.

“C’mon, let’s find somewhere else to talk.”

With his eyes puffy and his steps weighted down by exhaustion, Roxas doesn’t register where Sora is taking him. He’s finally reached a level of numbness where he just doesn’t _care_ , because honestly, what does it matter if he does? It’s not like complaining is going to make the day just disappear, and it takes too much effort to try to figure out a way to fight against what he’s been told. This is just as well since he hasn’t been able to stop crying, and if he actually still cared about anything he would probably feel embarrassed.

But Sora doesn’t say anything, just leads him through unfamiliar streets and through twists and turns that have them going deeper into the city, and farther from the mansion. Probably. Roxas doesn’t really know where they’ve gone, doesn’t care, really, which is why it’s surprising when Sora ushers him into one particularly dark area, then flips on a light from an unseen panel on the wall.

Roxas feels a sudden, unexpected wave of relief as he takes everything in. The Usual Spot, at least, is the same. Everything is as he knows it, from the old tourism poster Pence pulled from a dumpster behind the train station to the ratty old couch Olette’s parents gave them when they redid the living room. Sora sits him down on this, then plops down right beside him, still holding his hand.

For his part, there isn’t really much to say. He went out to see if they were telling the truth and he found everything they said he would. Not that he thought they’d _lie_ to him, but… it’s one less question to plague his mind when he’s sent back to that house, waiting for… something. Anything. There’s literally nothing for him here-- no family, no actual friends, no homework, no parents. He could disappear tomorrow and Twilight Town would be none the wiser. He’s not sure if that’s a relief or not.

“Why am I here?” he asks at last.

“You deserved a chance to live,” Sora says, the same thing he said all the times Roxas asked earlier that day. He hands Roxas a bottle of water from somewhere and Roxas feels a little better after he drinks. Physically, anyway. Unfortunately, all rehydrating does is sharpen his mind and reminds him that everything he ever knew was a lie.

“It’s just me,” he says after another few minutes of silence. There’s a pit in the hollow of his stomach when he realizes that, even if his home was still there, he’d be living there alone. “My parents, they never existed.”

“No,” Sora agrees, although his voice is tinged with regret, and Roxas wonders if his family is gone, too. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have any problems visiting different worlds and hanging out with his friends all the time. Still, he feels a bit bitter about that. At least Sora _had_ a family. For Roxas, all he has is memories, and even those aren’t real.

“There’s nothing for me here,” he says, and he’s not really sure if he means Twilight Town or just in general.

He still can’t wrap his head around why Sora thought bringing someone to life was a good idea, someone who, by all accounts, shouldn’t have existed in the first place. Just because your _can_ bring something to life doesn’t mean you _should_ , and he doesn’t understand why Sora doesn’t understand that simple concept. At the very least, Riku should’ve tried to make him see why bringing a person with no family, no real friends into the world. Do they not realize what a miserable and lonely existence they’ve inadvertently condemned him to?

“You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to,” Sora says, the first time he’s said anything other than ‘ _you’ll make a new life_.’ “I mean, we thought you’d wanna stick around here because it’s familiar, but you don’t have to. You can travel to different worlds with me and Riku if you want while you figure stuff out. Or you could hang out with Kairi in Radiant Garden. Or you could even visit my hometown, although there isn’t a lot to do there if you’re not a tourist.”

Roxas just stares at him for a minute, then shakes his head and gets off the sofa to pace in front of Sora. He _really_ can’t look at the guy right now, because Sora _still_ doesn’t get it. He’s a nice guy, and no doubt he means well by his offer, but he’s so damn _dense_ it he just doesn’t understand what Roxas is saying. Why there’s even a problem in the first place.

“I just… what were you _thinking?_ ” he asks again, and some of the anger from this afternoon is back, making his blood boil. “You just thought that if you brought me back to life everything would be fine? That I’d be _happy_ just because I’d be alive, and that I’d just pick up from where the other Roxas left off before he died? How am I supposed to pick up a life I can’t remember? That wasn’t _me._ You had no _right_!”

“I wanted to do the right thing,” Sora admits after a few minutes. He hasn’t moved from the couch, but he’s watching Roxas’ agitated path around the room. “Before, you didn’t want to give up your existence for me but you did because you knew I needed your help. After everything we went through, the battle with Xehanort and everything that came after, when I found out that I had a chance to return the favor, I knew I owed it to you to give you a chance at your own existence.”

“Some existence,” Roxas mutters. He glares down at Sora, arms crossed. “So what’re you going to do, now that your plan backfired?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not _that_ Roxas,” he says, more tired than irritated at this point. Sora’s too nice a guy to have done something so cruel on purpose. “I’m just a fragment of someone based off of him, downloaded into the real world, for what that’s worth. I can’t pick up where he left off, so what do you plan to do now?”

“Oh. No, see, the plan was to bring you back to life, which is what we did, so now you can do whatever you want,” Sora says, confused. “I mean, me and Riku and Kairi and everyone else will help you the best that we can if you have questions and stuff, but what happens next is up to you. You earned that right.”

“I have _nothing,”_ Roxas repeats, slowly, so maybe this time Sora will finally get it. “I have no home, no friends, and no family. What kind of life is that?”

Sora just stares at him, mouth open. Roxas sighs. _Finally_ , it seems like he understands what Roxas has been trying to explain. Then he stands up and draws Roxas into a hug, and Roxas sighs again. Apparently Sora’s reflexive reaction is to just hug someone when they’re upset. Admittedly, Sora gives good hugs, but it’s not going to fix anything, and he’s pretty sure Sora still doesn’t get it.

Then Sora pulls back and holds onto his shoulders to keep him from pacing again. “Roxas, you're not alone. _I’m_ your family.” Then he flushes, looks embarrassed by how cheesy that sounds, and continues on in a rush.

“I mean, sort of, if you’d let me. I just figured we’re kinda like… I dunno, brothers or something. I always wanted a brother,” he admits, then rambles on, “Ven’s like your brother, too! Um, well kinda. He already said he plans to come and meet you. And Riku, and Kairi, and Hayner, Pence, Olette-- we’re all here for you. And once Lea stops being an idiot he’ll come back, too. You don’t have to do this alone. We’re not gonna just _abandon_ you, you’re one of us! And we're not asking you to go back to your old life-- from the Organization days or even from Twilight Town. We're offering to help you build a new life, here or wherever else you might wanna go.”

“...oh.” Roxas isn’t really sure what else to say, blindsided how stupid this entire situation has been, and how he, apparently, was the one who hadn’t been getting it. Not that Sora had _said_ anything about adopting him as a brother or anything, because Sora being Sora, he’d just assumed that Roxas was his family. The smouldering anger and irritation he’s been feeling cools a bit, enough for him to let out a choked laugh. He dips his head a little, feeling tears prick at his eyes yet again. Maybe stupidity is a family trait.

“Look, I know that it’s gonna be tough for a while, getting used to stuff and deciding what you wanna do, but you can take all the time you need,” Sora says once it’s clear that Roxas doesn’t have anything else to say. “But right now, if you’re ready, I think we should probably head back. Riku’s gonna yell at me for being up so late, I’m gonna be a zombie morning, augh.”

“...Yeah,” Roxas agrees after a moment. “Yeah, we can go back. Thanks, Sora.”

“Sure thing!” Sora beams at him, then starts to head back to the street. “What’re big brothers for?”

“What? Hey, wait up!” Roxas calls after Sora, who just laughs as he closes up the Usual Spot. “Why am _I_ the younger brother?”

“I’m older than you,” says Sora, smiling at him as they fall into step together.

“Yeah, well, I’m taller,” Roxas says, then dodges an elbow to the ribs.

“You are _not!”_

“Am too.”

They bicker back and forth the entire way back to the mansion, keeping their voices low so they don’t disturb the sleeping town. This time, when Roxas says good night to Sora and climbs into bed, he’s …not happy, per se, but he feels like some of the weight’s been lifted. Maybe it’s because now he knows that he’s not the only one who’ll be dealing with all of this, not when he has family like Sora around to help.

He burrows under the blankets and falls asleep soon with a small but growing warmth in his chest. ****


	3. Secondhand Salt

Roxas is pretty sure that when people talk about painful memories, they usually mean emotional pangs and things that make them sad for a while. Maybe the really bad memories linger, maybe people can’t speak about them, or they can’t move beyond that memory to focus on the present. Maybe painful memories keep you held down for years, unable to move on.

He’s pretty sure painful memories aren’t supposed to _physically_ hurt, too.

Sora hands him an ice bag as he all but pushes Riku away, and he holds it up to his aching head. Some of the pain recedes, but he can still feel it radiating through his teeth and traveling down his spine to settle in his lower back. He swipes at his nose with the back of his hand and he’s unsurprised to find blood trickling out-- it had taken quite a blow to subdue the other Roxas. He glares at Riku who at least has the decency to look slightly chagrined.

“You could’ve _warned_ me,” he says. He can still taste asphalt on his tongue and bruised ribs from where the summoned monster had grasped him. The other Roxas had blacked out during that fight, a fight at Riku neglected to tell him about or prepare him for before taking his hand and forcing him to relive the night of the fateful encounter.

“Sorry,” Riku says, and there’s actual regret in his voice. Unfortunately, this little demonstration has done nothing to dispel Roxas’ innate dislike of Riku, but at least now he knows _why_ there’s always been a lingering tension between them.

As always, it’s Sora who swoops in to smooth things over before they come to physical blows.

“It’s kinda tough to know what transfers over, and talking about it might not always prepare you,” Sora says. He gives Riku a look before he adds, “So it’s not really Riku’s fault. Besides, you can always spar with him to make new memories-- you might even be able to beat him!”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.” Roxas grits out. He takes a seat and closes his eyes against the throbbing headache, shifting the icepack higher on his temples.

As unnerving as it is to regain memories in this way, it's also a relief to build up a foundation of knowledge. Every little bit helps him learn of the _other_ Roxas’s life, which is one more thing he can talk to the others about.

The first memories Sora shared were all warm and vague imagery, the memory more a sensation of emotions, rather than a full out recollection of events. But over the following weeks, the new memories are layering upon the older ones, adding more details like sounds, scents, and touch. In some cases-- like today, apparently-- the memory becomes so real that he can feel it, his body thinking that what’s happening in the memory is happening to him right then and there.

Ienzo checked him out the first time it happened and thought it might be that the base puppet form they used is still susceptible to impressions. He played it off as a good thing; after all, they’re doing this in the hopes that the sessions will stick and unlock even more memories. The downside to it is that if the memory was tied to a particularly strong feeling, he gets a visceral replay of the other Roxas's life-- followed by a migraine, a lingering emotion, and the feeling that there's still more to remember.

Today he can feel an echo of something, a memory that feels even more separated from himself than those of the other Roxas. It’s an impression of sand and sun, of Riku talking to him about something that makes him sad and a little scared. He can’t catch the words, but he’s pretty sure it’s not one of Roxas’ memories, which means there’s only one other explanation. He looks up at Riku again and glares.

“Why were you such a dick to him? You were nice to her,” he says.

Riku stiffens and crosses his arms. “Honestly, I can’t remember Xion very much, but I guess I felt sorry for her. She was just really confused and… I dunno, I guess she reminded me of Kairi.”

“And Roxas didn’t remind you of Sora?”

“You reminded me that Sora was the end goal, and you were keeping me from my friend. So yeah, having to choose between you and Sora, there was no contest.” Riku pauses, then shrugs. “Also you refused to come quietly and you forced me to use the darkness within, so I was kinda pissed off about that.”

“Yeah, well…”  Roxas gets to his feet and gives the ice bag back to Sora. His nose has stopped bleeding, at least, but he still needs a minute before he’s ready to leave. “He probably resented the fact that you valued Sora’s existence over his own,” he says, then holds up a hand to stop either Sora or Riku from saying anything else. “Look, I get it. I just don’t really feel up to dealing with more right now.”

“Do you want me to get you a potion? I always keep a couple around, it might help with the headache,” Sora offers, and Roxas forces a smile onto his face.

“I’ll be ok,” he says. “I’m just gonna go lie down for a bit, clear my head.”

Sora frowns at this and looks like he’s going to argue the point, but Riku puts a hand on his shoulder that silences him. They exchange a look, then Sora sighs.

“Ok. Get some rest, I’ll check in on you later.”

Roxas exits the lab before Sora can insist on escorting him to his room to tuck him in, walking as quickly as his throbbing head will let him. He doesn’t actually want to go to his room, it’s less a safe haven and more of a holding cell, even if the door lack locks and he’s free to come and go as he pleases. It doesn’t feel like home and _home_ never existed, so he’s left with only a handful of options.

He could go to the Usual Spot, the Twilight Trio always welcome him and it’s familiar-- comfortable even. But he doesn’t really want to see anyone right now, not someone who looks at him and sees the _other_ him, and the only other places he can think of will be filled with people at this point. So he makes his way to the top of the tower and lays down on the balcony behind the railing, staring up at the clouds and trying to sort of what, exactly, he’s feeling.

He’s... unsettled, to say the least. The image of Riku and the monster still lingers in his thoughts, his heartbeat picking up as he remembers the _other_ Roxas’ fear. Not so much because of the monster behind Riku, but because Riku wore Xemnas’ face, or at least something similar, and **_they’ll destroy you!_** the organization didn’t take kindly to deserters. Not that the other Roxas didn’t meet with a fate arguably worse than death anyway-- Riku saw to that.

He’s also sad, and he doesn’t think that it has anything to do with Xion’s memory, although that had been unexpected. Most of the fragments of memories with her are bittersweet at best. He feels bad _for_ her, but not about her. It’s kind of like hearing bad news about a friend’s cousin, someone you’ve never met but you feel bad for your friend because you care about them, and they’re upset. _He_ feels bad because he knows the other Roxas would feel sad. He wonders if Sora feels the same way.

It’s been over a month and he’s no closer to “feeling” Roxas than when he first woke up. The memories are coming easier now, sure, but it still feels disconnected, like he’s only been hearing people talk about things that happened and not remembering them as his own past. There’s still a distinction between himself and the other Roxas, at least to him. No one else seems to notice that he’s still only _playing_ at being the other Roxas, mostly because he knows it’s what they want to see.

They wouldn’t outright lie to him about the memories being his-- not intentionally, he knows that. And part of him thinks that maybe it will feel more real in time-- there are memories seeping into his dreams, feelings about little things that he can’t quite explain. He remembers visiting places Sora and the others never talk about, and talking to people he hasn’t met yet. He even recognized Xaldin and Lexaeus without prompting when he met them, although they’re going by their “real” names now.

So there are bits and pieces there, enough for him to feel like maybe he _will_ become the other Roxas one day. He just isn’t sure if what that means for _him_ \-- will he disappear as the other Roxas takes over? Or will everything slide into place and he’ll just be more of _himself_ , whatever that means?

He sighs and lays an arm across his face to block out the light, covering his eyes. That helps the headache, at least, but he still can’t shake the lingering feeling that there’s something else, something like a Xion memory, but… this one hurts. He can’t put his finger on it, but images of that alleyway flicker across his mind. Something about that _place…_

He wraps his arms around his head and tucks into himself, trying to will his treacherous mind to blissful blankness. He manages a light doze, although his sleep is troubled with dreams he can’t quite remember when he wakes up.

 

He’s back at the mansion before it gets too late, feeling moderately better physically, even if he’s still unhappy-- nothing like an unscheduled depression nap to clear away the lingering effects of a migraine. He can hear the others further down the hall, but he’s still not in a mood to deal with them. Knowing Sora, he’s probably already been by at least once and discovered that he’s not there, so if he’s not waiting in the room when Roxas goes in, he should be in the clear, at least until Sora gets restless and comes to check on him again. He makes sure to close the door as quietly as possible so he can delay the inevitable intrusion just a little longer.

When he walks inside, he finds that someone _has_ been there, long enough to leave a note on his bed. He wonders if Riku left it, or rather, if Sora made Riku leave it, but when he picks it up to read it, he recognizes the “Roxas” as Kairi’s handwriting.

He crashes back onto the bed to get comfortable before he bothers unfolding it, but there isn’t a message, just a picture. He recognizes Kairi’s hand in this, too, but he’s pretty sure the mysterious Namine is behind it as well.

It’s two figures standing side by side, smiling at each other. The first one has to be Lea. Well, maybe Axel? There’s a black coat and the red hair gives him some idea of who it’s supposed to be, and the figure is just standing there next to what can only be a rough depiction of Roxas, so it’s probably Axel. He’s seen a picture similar to it before, when he first “woke up” from the digital world, but Lea took that picture with him, so either Namine drew a lot of pictures of the two of them, or Kairi tried recreating it for him.

The first possibility is kinda weird and stalkery, not that Kairi redrawing it and then giving it to him isn’t any less odd and out of place. He’s not really sure what her intention was, but she probably meant it as a ways to try to trigger happier memories, when Roxas had been with friends. If it had been a picture of him with the Twilight Trio, it might’ve even worked-- even if the memories are false, he’s made enough new memories with them that he associates them with good things.

But Lea? Or in this case, Axel? His stomach lurches again at the thought and he’s suddenly thinking back to that weird plaza with the lights and the puddles and the bitter sorrow that lingered at the edges of Riku’s shared memory.

That battleground had been familiar. He remembers it more clearly now, with the strange neon lights and puddles of water. There’s a particular smell to the area after it rains, something pungent but not overly unpleasant. He’s not sure if this is a memory someone’s meant to give him, or if it’s a dream, or maybe it’s just nothing at all, but he _remembers_ the alleyway, remembers leaving, or at least trying to. Someone-- not Riku-- wanted to stop him. They’d been waiting for him, knowing he’d be there, and---

The memory comes sharp and sudden. He’s walking away, focused on getting as far away from this place as possible. It’s Axel-- not Lea, he’s got the tattoo things under his eyes and that weird black coat-- and Roxas was angry about… something.

He can’t quite put those pieces together, but Roxas hadn’t wanted to look at Axel when he left. He was so _angry_ , angry at Axel and hurting and afraid, but he has no idea why. There’s nothing there when he tries to remember, thoughts just slipping away into fog. It would probably help if he could line up Lea’s pieces of the memory, too, but Roxas hasn’t seen much him since that first day, and even then it’s only at a distance because Lea glares at him before hightailing it out of there. He can only imagine what kind of response he’d get if he tried to ask for more information about what was clearly a charged situation.

But there’s a lot of regret, too, like Roxas had wished he’d said something more. Now that he can define the emotion that’s been lingering in the back of his mind it comes into focus, it somehow hurts even more, as though naming his pain made it even more real. Regret, and anger. The remnants of the other Roxas’ antagonism towards Axel bleeds into his own irritation towards Riku and the well-meaning Sora, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it, since nothing is technically wrong.

He’ll get over it, he always does. But he’s left laying on the bed with a drawing of a friendship he can’t remember, stewing in emotions that don’t feel like they’re his, and of course that’s the _exact_ moment Sora decides to barge into the room.

He sees Roxas and noticeably relaxes, as though he’d been afraid that Roxas had run away for good. To be fair, if Roxas knew of any other places to go and how to get there, he’d have considered it at the very least.

“Oh! You’re back, that’s good. Are you feeling any better?” Sora plops down on the bed beside him without invitation, forcing him to sit up and tuck in his legs to make room. He shrugs, but Sora’s attention has already moved to the crumpled drawing on the bed. He picks it up and stares at it for a long minute before speaking up again.

“Do you know why we brought you back here in Twilight Town?”

Roxas resists the urge to roll his eyes. “It’s where the equipment was?”

“Well… ok, yeah, I mean, that’s part of it, but that’s not the main reason,” Sora says. He puts the drawing back on the bed, then holds up a hand and lifts a finger. “First, we knew that Twilight Town was familiar, so we thought it’d be easier for you to sort of… come to grips with everything here. You have friends here, and you know your way around. And Lea said that Xemnas found you here after you’d first been created, so it’s as close to a home world as you can get.”

“We’ve already talked about that--” Roxas starts, but Sora shakes his head, holding up a second finger.

“Yeah, I know, but we wanted it to be easier for you. The second thing was that Twilight Town is one of the safest places we know, so you _can_ wander around when you need to just get away for a while. There aren’t any heartless or nobodies around, so you could get lost in the woods around the mansion or even walk the entire way to the beach if you wanted and you’d still be pretty safe.”

Roxas feels his hackles rise, some of the anger that’s been simmering spikes with Sora’s condescending words. “I’m not a _child_ , I can take care of myself,” he grits out, but Sora shakes his head again.

“The big battle is over, but there are still bad guys out there who’d like revenge on keyblade wielders. A struggle bat or a stick aren’t gonna keep you safe if you run into them,” he says, and he stands up and turns to face Roxas. He holds out his hand and there’s a flash, and a keyblade flickers into existence between them. Sora looks at him over the blade.

“Until you can summon your keyblade again, this is the best place for you to be. I know you’re probably climbing the walls and bored out of your mind,” Sora says, then lowers his hand to release the summon. The blade melts away like it was never there.

“Why do you think we’ve been trying to give you so many memories? As soon as you can remember how to summon a blade, I promise, I’ll take you to whatever world you wanna visit and you can help me handle cleanup duties.” He smiles, trying to soften the rebuff. “I gotta warn you though, it gets old fast.”

“Yeah, well, the memory thing isn’t _working_ ,” Roxas snaps, and holds out his own hand. They stare at it, even though nothing appears. “All I’m getting is headaches and it seems like the only memories you have to share are things that made him unhappy, so sorry if it seems dramatic but I really don’t want to keep doing this. If you’re not going to let me leave, then I’ll find some way to repay you and be useful here.”

“Roxas, that’s _not_ what I meant. It’s not about being useful,” Sora sighs, but Roxas stretches out on the bed and turns away, deliberately turning his back on him.

“Whatever. I’ve still got a headache, will you turn the light off on your way out?”

He can feel Sora’s tension, knows he’s being a dick but he’s done with today, and he wishes Sora would just leave him alone to sort stuff out. He can apologize later, when he’s more himself, but **_you get on their bad side and they’ll destroy you_** he can’t quite bring himself to apologize. He shuts his eyes against the onset of the memory, willing it away. **_I don’t even_** _know_ **_a Sora!_**

“Yeah,” Sora says at last, and Roxas can hear him walk over to the wall to flick off the light. But there’s still some light in the room, which means that he’s standing in the doorway, as if he’s waiting for something.

“Look… we’ll try something else for a while, ok?” Sora suggests. “Maybe you’re right, maybe pushing all these memories on you isn’t the answer. I think I might have another thing to try in the morning, um, if you’re up for it.”

 ** _I need to know who I am._** “Sure,” he says, more to get some privacy than actually caring what Sora has planned. **_Why did the keyblade choose me?_** “That would be good.” He tries to put some enthusiasm into his reply, and that seems to do the trick.

“Great! Um, I’ll let you get some more rest then. Oh! There’s dinner in the fridge if you get hungry later on. Night, Roxas.”

“Night.”

The door closes and he’s finally alone with his thoughts. The problem is, they’re not _his_ thoughts, not really. Not yet.

He pulls out the sketch Kairi gave him and traces a finger over the smiles on the Axel and Roxas figures. They’d been best friends, so that meant that they’d had good times together, right? So maybe that meant Lea was the key to unlocking Roxas’ happier memories, which would lead to memories of the keyblade and how to use it. That could mean a chance to go places and make his own path, forge his own memories, and leave the other Roxas’ legacy behind.

No one’s really mentioned what Lea’s doing, but Roxas can guess from their careful and complete lack of mention of his current whereabouts that he’s basically avoiding Twilight Town-- or, more specifically, _him_. Sora says he’ll come back, and if Sora says it, Roxas knows it’ll happen sooner or later. No one can withstand Sora’s wheedling once he gets his mind set on something.

So, Lea is coming sooner or later, which means that sooner or later he’ll have a chance to learn of the other Roxas’ happier times. He’s not really sure how he’s going to manage it if Lea won’t even look at him, let alone hold hands to pass along memories, but the thought of seeing Lea again makes him feel a little better, even if it’s from a distance.

Maybe _that’s_ Sora’s idea for tomorrow-- maybe he’s figured out a way to get Lea to talk about Axel’s memories, back when Roxas was using a keyblade without difficulty. If he can summon a keyblade, maybe Lea will stay long enough for him to explain how anxious Roxas had been when he’d fought Riku. How Roxas had been afraid that he’d be destroyed without having a chance to say a proper goodbye, and how much he’d regretted parting ways in anger.

He might not be Axel’s Roxas, but he’s learned enough, felt enough to know that Axel had been important to him. If _he_ can tell Lea the things that Roxas couldn’t tell Axel, if he can finish Roxas’ unfinished business, maybe _he_ can move on, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long to get out, work went into crunch time and October is usually pretty busy for me anyway. I've got a good start on chapter 4, though, and a solid idea for where 5 is going, so I'm hoping the next two updates will be sooner than later.  
> Thanks for your patience guys! <3


	4. Re: Re: Roxas

Sora gets them up and outside bright and early to start what he calls “Keyblade Training 2.0.” All it entails is a slight change in location; instead of the front yard of the mansion, they’re standing outside of the train station, practicing beside the entrance to the tunnels. Everything else is the same, right down to Sora’s cheery “ok, now give it your best shot!”

As usual, they start with the Struggle bat, then after a few matches Sora summons an extra blade for him to use for a bit more intense sparring. After that, there’s a series of cooldown stretches and quiet meditation, then they they stand, waiting and watching Roxas’ hand for any glimmer of his own blade to appear. 

As usual, nothing happens.

They’re about to start another round of Struggle when there’s a shift in the air, and the hum of electricity that signifies the approach of a gummi ship breaking through the world barrier. They both pause in place to watch the small yellow spacecraft descend towards the far end of the terrace, a model small enough for the pilot is able to tuck it against the train station’s steps without impeding traffic. Sora makes a happy noise and darts over, leaving Roxas with his hand still outstretched, waiting for a keyblade that fails to appear.

Roxas stays where he is, crossing his arms and hanging back by the benches. If this is Lea, if Sora’s somehow managed to harangue him into coming back to Twilight Town against his will, he’s not going to be happy to see Roxas. Not that he thinks Lea would be happy to see him in any other circumstances, but he can feel his stupid heartbeat begin to pick up anyway. If nothing else, there’s proof that  _ something _ of the other Roxas has stuck-- the very idea of seeing Lea makes him feel lighter and more excited than he’s felt in ages.

That, or it ‘runs in the family’ because Sora practically bounces on the balls of his feet while he waits for the hatch to lower. There’s a hiss as airlocks disengage, steps lower to the cobblestone terrace, and another Roxas steps out, squinting in the early morning sunlight. 

His heart stutters in his chest and he takes an inadvertent step back, leaning against the bench for support as Sora tackles the new Roxas with an enthusiastic hug. The new Roxas doesn’t even seem fazed, he just adjusts his stance to take on the extra weight and pats Sora on the head, exchanging inaudible greetings.

Roxas swallows hard. They've replaced him. Yesterday's fight with Sora convinced them that he's no good, that the download was defective, that they have to start from scratch and see if this newer model has fewer bugs and personality flaws. He knew it, he  _ knew _ they were angry when he didn’t have the reactions they were hoping for. They must’ve realized that he was a bad copy or something, and they downloaded another version to see if that Roxas could do better. 

He shivers, and wraps his arms around himself. With another copy around, Sora will be too busy to hang out with him, since everyone will keep trying to get the original Roxas back. He doesn’t think they’d do anything to  _ him--  _ unless, of course, they decide that they need to get back the memories they’ve already given to him. 

He still doesn’t quite understand how it works, Sora’s vague reply of ‘magic’ was not quite the explanation that he hoped for, but if they managed to make another copy, they could copy  _ his _ new memories too, right? They shouldn’t have to do anything...permanent or damaging to him, right?

He’s debating whether he should quietly slip into the tunnels for a bit when the other Roxas turns and looks him dead in the eye. He freezes, caught in that gaze, because suddenly he knows without a doubt that it’s  _ not _ another Roxas. 

He doesn’t know how to explain it, but the person watching him is older and tougher and  _ familiar _ , familiar in the way that Sora felt like someone he’d met before the first time they met. He’s also taller that Sora by a good four inches, and the guy’s face, so similar to his own, has sharpened into more defined angles, although it’s impossible to determine whether that’s from age or weathering through hardships. But he has no lingering doubts: this is Ventus, another part of the Roxas he's supposed to be. ...His ‘other’ other, so to speak.

Sora trots back over to him when he realizes that Roxas didn’t make his way over to greet the newcomer, then slings his arm around his neck to pull him along. Sora’s a warm and reassuring weight at his side as they make their way over, but it’s still Ven who ultimately finds his voice first.

“So, you’re Roxas,” Ven says. After a slight hesitation, he holds out his hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“...yeah,” Roxas says as he takes the offered hand and gives it a quick shake. He pulls away before the familiar tingle of memory sharing can get too intense and he sees something Ven isn’t willing to share, but Ven still looks at his hand in surprise as he pulls away.

Sora, however, seems excited by the reaction. “Oh, cool, I was right! Roxas, it looks like Ven’ll be able to help you with more memory stuff,” he says, then turns to Ven with a bright smile. “I bet you could help him with his keyblade training! You studied under a couple of masters and everything, so you already know way more about these things than me or Riku.”

“I suppose,” Ven agrees, but he doesn’t sound completely convinced, and he’s stopped looking at his hand in favor of staring at Roxas. Roxas returns the gaze and wonders if this is what he’ll look like in a few years--if he can age at all, of course.

“Ok! Cool, I’ll leave him with you then and get out of your hair. You two have fun, I’ll be back later!” Sora says, then darts through the doors into the train station before either of them can reply. 

Roxas has no doubt that he’s heading off to meet up with Riku somewhere in town, and he rankles a little at the hasty retreat. Sora almost sounds like a parent dropping off his kid off at daycare, and while he understands Sora’s acting with the best intentions for his interests, Roxas still feels like he’s being handed from one handler to another.

Ventus seems to have come to a similar conclusion. He watches Sora’s departing form with no little amount of consternation, and only turns to look back at Roxas when Sora is out of view. He frowns as though he’s not really sure what they’re supposed to do next, and eyes Roxas from head to foot. He’s a little taller than Roxas (which isn’t fair at all), so he’s able to frown down at Roxas while he takes everything in.

“This is… kinda weird,” Ven says at last, and Roxas rubs the back of his neck, forcing out a short laugh and looking everywhere but at the guy he’s apparently a copy of. Sort of. A little bit, anyway. It’s still kinda strange to think about.

“You’re telling me,” Roxas agrees, and he’s wondering again why it is Sora was so convinced that this was a good idea. He’s not sure if he’s more relieved that they haven’t decided to replace him, or disappointed because the pilot wasn’t who he’d been expecting. Either way he’s not really sure how to react around this person who is sort-of-family but still a complete stranger.

“So, um… you’ve handled a keyblade before, right?” Ven asks, and Roxas is grateful that they’re skipping the small talk and going straight to business. He doesn’t have much to talk about, and what he  _ can _ talk about he doesn’t want to talk about, at least not to a stranger… even though Ven is technically sort-of-family. 

“Yeah, Roxas used one during his time with the Organization, and Sora lets me practice with his,” he says, and holds up his hand, assuming the pose without prompting. He keeps it extended and they wait for the blade to appear, but there’s nothing, just as there’s been nothing each time he’s tried for the last few weeks. After a few moments, Ven scratches his chin in thought.

“That usually works,” he says, and Roxas scowls at him.

“I’m  _ trying _ ,” he growls. He lowers his hand to cross his arms and wishes for the hundredth time that Sora gave him some more time alone to practice. Focusing on the blade isn’t any easier when there’s an audience to see all his shortcomings, even if the audience could possibly be his best bet to figuring everything out.

Ven doesn’t reply, he just holds up his own hand and his blade ripples into existence between them. Unlike Sora’s various blades, it’s clunky and solid looking, more like a tool than a fancy weapon meant to help save the world. Ven pulls back and spins it to the side, his reverse grip strange but distantly familiar. 

“You have to visualize it in your hand, and  _ feel _ it, even though it’s not there,” he says, then hands it over to Roxas, who takes it and mimics the strange grip. “I don’t know how else to describe it, other than you feel it and then it’s there.”

“That’s what Sora, Riku, and Kairi said, but it didn’t work,” Roxas says, but he holds the blade anyway, shifting it a little in his hand to get the weight of it. 

He shifts it this way and that, trying to get a feel for it, envisioning it in his mind and trying to memorize the heft of it. Maybe if he can make a fake blade out of an old Struggle bat he can practice with that when Sora isn’t around. It’d be better for practicing in private, anyway. He twists the blade in his hand, feeling how it cuts through the air.

The balance is different than the others he’s held-- Sora broke out his entire collection for him to try, each with its own particular quirk and feel to it. They’d all felt familiar but foreign at the same time, and while he can appreciate the use of this blade, it doesn’t feel any more natural than any of the others. That, and it’s heavy, so his arm starts to tire before long.

Ven’s been watching him move with the blade and notices the tremors in his arms before he admits that he’s tired. Instead, Ven holds out his hand to summon the blade back, then dispels it with a quick wave of his hand.

“Sorry,” Roxas mumbles, but Ven shakes his head.

“You’re just not ready yet,” he says. “I mean, sure, physically you’re not too bad off. With a bit more training you can build up endurance, but I don’t think your heart is strong enough yet. You need to rebuild your spirit before you can summon a keyblade again.”

Roxas covers his chest with his hand, fingers curling into a fist. “I don’t know how to get stronger,” he admits, “I’m trying. They thought sharing memories would spark something but nothing’s worked.”

“I know,” Ven says, and Roxas looks up, surprised by the genuine sympathy in Ven’s voice. Ven smiles at him. “It took me a while to get my strength back too, after I woke up.”

“Because of Roxas?” asks Roxas. It seems like Roxas’ existence -- both the  _ other _ Roxas and himself-- upset a lot of people’s lives. Ven shakes his head.

“Sora was always meant to be a temporary solution, and your creation didn’t really break my heart more than anything else Sora did while he kept it safe. But I slept so long that Vanitas and I grew apart-- our hearts healed over the places where we split and started to regrow the missing pieces. I’m lucky; I had less to recover.” He gives Roxas an odd look. “You keep saying ‘Roxas’ like it’s not you.”

“The ‘Roxas’ you’re talking about  _ isn’t  _ me,” he clarifies, but Ven just frowns at him, tilting his head.

“They said that they made you from all of his memories, though.”

“What they had,” he admits, and he can almost taste the bitterness in his tone. “I’m the dregs of what’s left, plus what memories they’ve been able to give me since then. But I’m  _ me _ , not him.”

“Hmm,” Ven says, watching him closely. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he shakes his head, then puts a hand on Roxas’ shoulder. “I think that might be your problem. As long as you keep thinking of your past life as ‘another’ self, your heart will never be whole. You can’t wield a keyblade if your heart wavers.”

“That wasn’t  _ me _ ,” Roxas objects, and shrugs Ven’s hand away. “My life was hanging out with my friends in Twilight Town, doing odd summer jobs so we could hang out and eat ice cream and go to the beach. Then I wake up one day and I’m told that there’s a whole different life that I can’t remember. It’s not  _ fair _ . Everyone thinks that I’ll just magically start remembering things if they keep pushing me and telling me things and trying to get me to do stuff that this other person did, and then they get upset when it doesn’t work!”

He scowls up at Ven, who looks sympathetic, but doesn’t try to deny anything. He’s probably felt the same way, at one point or another. “It’s not fair,” he repeats. “Do people expect you to start doing the things Vanitas did while the two of you were apart?”

Ven’s face goes still, but the muscle in his jaw twitches as he grits out, “Van is a completely different circumstance.”

“I don’t see how he can be, since you two also spent time apart, unless--” Roxas pauses as Ven’s phrasing strikes a chord. “Wait, Vanitas is still alive? On his own?”

“They don’t tell you much, do they?” Ven sighs. “I don’t know how they expect you to learn and grow stronger if they don’t tell you anything. Yes, Vanitas survived, barely.”

“But he’s not here?”

“He’s being looked after by Yen Sid and one of the warriors of light,” Ven says, not really answering the question. In fact, he’s looking everywhere but at Roxas, as though he can avoid answering more questions if he doesn’t make eye contact.

“He’s being looked after by one of the warriors of light,” Roxas repeats, and Ven looks at him through the corner of one eye. “But not you.” He says that more as a statement, but Ven knows it’s a question. He sighs.

“No, not me.”

“Why not?” he asks, and sees Ven flinch a little under the question. “I mean, I'm here with Sora because he's my other and his presence helps…well, at least in theory. I mean, if you haven’t killed him, that means you want to keep him alive. So shouldn’t you be near him to help him heal or something?”

“Our relationship is... complicated,” Ven replies, then waves aside Roxas’ attempt to ask more questions. “But we’re not here to talk about me, Sora asked me here to help you remember how to use a keyblade. I think we’ve come to the root of the problem-- there’s a disconnect between your heart and your body. And there’s only one way to improve that.”

The way he says it, and the way he’s standing makes Roxas realize that Ven’s version Keyblade Training 2.0 is  _ not _ going to be very fun.

“You can’t mean--” he starts to protest, but Ven claps him on the shoulder again, and this time there’s no worming out from under that grip.

“Yep, we’re gonna build a new training schedule for you.”

 

\- - -

Training with Ven  _ sucks _ .

Not because it’s anything particularly difficult or even stuff he hasn’t done on his own for fun. He can see how whacking a cart of junk up the hill builds upper body strength, and how plastering posters everywhere builds up speed and endurance. He can even believe that killing all those stupid bees is probably good practice for  _ something _ . 

But doing each “exercise” over and over, only interrupting them with laps around the southern district of town is  _ torture _ . When Ven asks him if he’s up for another five laps around the Sandlot, Roxas is ready to ask if he can go hang out with Riku, because he knows Riku will at least do him the courtesy of knocking him out during a fight and letting him lay there for a while to catch his breath. Ven is  _ relentless _ . He does everything Roxas does, and while he does finally break a sweat, it takes him a lot longer to start getting out of breath, and he’s still  _ smiling _ throughout the whole damn thing.

Ven finally calls it quits as the sun begins to set, and they head back towards the train station terrace to rest on the benches overlooking the town. Roxas pants and sucks down several bottles of water as Ven cheerfully writes down a complete schedule of recommended training sessions. Roxas listens politely while making a mental note to incinerate the papers as soon as Ven is out of view.

“You’ve gotta make sure that you’re eating healthy, too,” Ven is saying. He turns the sheet of paper over to continue making notes, no doubt detailing his schedule down to the time Roxas should spend in the shower. “I know they sell sea salt ice cream here and it’s a big temptation, but it’s not good for you, it’ll stunt your growth. And be sure to get plenty of rest! You can’t get stronger if you don’t give yourself time to recover.”

“Yes dad,” Roxas mutters under his breath, then yelps as Ven nudges him in the shoulder. If he hadn’t spent all day carting stuff around and going through Ven’s homegrown obstacle course, he probably would’ve retaliated with a shove of his own. As it is, he lets himself fall over onto the bench and decides that if anyone needs him today, they can come and bodily move him.

Ven’s face comes into view, a slightly worried frown on his face. “Are you gonna be ok? Sorry, I guess we overdid it.”

“I’ll be fine,” Roxas says, although he doesn’t get up from his position. “Besides, doing all those odd jobs scored me a lot of munny for ice cream.”

“At least  _ pretend _ that you’ll think about what I suggested.” Ven stands up, does a few squats just to rub in how much better in shape he is than Roxas, then puts his hands on his hips. “I’m gonna go check in with the gang at the mansion before I call home. You wanna come with?”

“I’m just gonna lay here a little longer,” Roxas replies, wondering if there are laws about not sleeping in public places, and whether or not he cares enough to move if there are. Probably not.

“Well… ok,” Ven sounds dubious, but he doesn’t push it, for which Roxas is grateful. “You did good today. You’re gonna do great tomorrow when we do it all over again!”

Roxas throws the only thing he has on hand, and after a brief scolding from Ven about flipping off your elders, he’s left in peace. Despite being central station, there’s no one up here, and he’s close to dozing off when he hears an odd whistling, feels the hum of a ship, and he cranes his neck to see a bright red gummi ship come into view. 

An  _ unfamiliar _ ship, but he’d bet today’s hard earned munny that he knows whose ship it belongs to. Who else would paint flame decals on the side? But why would Lea come here, unless… unless Sora really  _ did _ convince him to come back.

His heart picks up a little and suddenly he’s surging to his feet, and while he stumbles a bit when his body reminds him of the brutal training of the day, he still manages to dash into the train station and towards the section of the platforms that’s been cordoned off for gummi ships. It’s just setting down-- the landing’s a little rough, maybe the pilot is distracted or something -- and he stands by the wall, waiting to see who emerges.

It’s Sora at first, then the little chipmunks Chip and Dale hop out. They run circles around Sora’s feet, and it sounds like they’re singing something. He can’t quite make it out, but he can see Sora turn to talk to someone who’s coming out of the ship and --

He swallows, hard. His immediate thought is  _ Axel _ before he remembers, no, this is  _ Lea _ , dressed in civilian clothes and giving Sora a world-weary smile as he climbs out of the ship. He’s watching the chipmunks-- who’re still singing something-- and he looks  _ happy. _ He’s relaxed and leaning against the ship, totally at ease and smiling about something Sora’s saying.

He’s gorgeous like this, and Roxas knows that as soon as Lea realizes that he’s here, that smile will be gone.

As if he senses that thought, Lea looks up at that exact moment and locks eyes with him. The intense green is even more startling than he remembers, and he’s reminded of the day they met, being held against Lea’s chest and that wonderful heat when he’d been so cold. He can feel some of that heat burning across his cheeks now as Lea continues to stare, and while the relaxed pose shifts a little, the amused expression remains.

Roxas does what anyone in his situation would do: dives behind the closest bit of cover he can find. Unfortunately it’s a trash can and not a very big one at that, but he tucks himself down and behind it as much as possible. He knows he’s hiding from someone who may or may not hold the key to his keyblade, but he also knows he can’t deal with all of that attention focused on him. But still... _ a trash can _ . Not his smoothest or smartest move.  _ So not cool.  _ Maybe he’ll finally catch a break and the ground will swallow him whole, and he’ll never have to speak to anyone ever again.

And now that he’s hunched in this position his body is reminding him how he spent the day running around town and testing his endurance. He can feel his muscles start to seize up, and he may or may not be stuck in the position until someone helps him up. Lea is finally going to come talk to him and he’s going to be stuck in this awkward squatting position, hiding behind a trash can.

He can hear Sora and Lea talking but not what they’re saying, and for a moment he’s worried that Sora’s going to be ‘helpful’ and send Lea over to rescue him. He risks a quick peek around the bin and sees that Lea is still looking in his direction, and now Sora is, too, and he ducks back into his hiding spot to curl even tighter into himself.

He’s mortified and probably won’t ever be able to look Lea in the face again, but at the same time he can feel his heart racing and the blush still going strong across his cheeks. He’s not quite sure  _ how _ he feels when he hears the ship take off and there’s only one set of footsteps that make their way over to his hiding spot.

“He’s gone,” Sora says, confirming his suspicions, and there’s a bit of irritation in his voice, almost like he’s angry that Lea left. He looks down at Roxas for a moment, and his tone changes. “Do you need help getting up?”

Roxas tilts his head back up and tries not to whine too much when he replies. “I don’t think I can take another day of Ven’s training.” 

Sora laughs and carefully helps him up, then keeps an arm around him to take some of the weight off his increasingly leaden limbs. “Yeah, he can get intense sometimes,” he agrees. “C’mon, the others are all probably waiting on us.”

His leg’s gone all tingly-numb from the awkward position, and he has to hop for a bit to wake up his limbs before he can start walking like normal again. Sora doesn’t even make fun of him, he just shifts his hold until Roxas is able to move on his own. They keep their speed slow as they head back through town towards the mansion headquarters, and Roxas can feel his curiosity start to build with each step.

“Hey, Sora?” he asks when he can’t hold it in any more. “Is he still angry with me?”

“He’s not angry,” Sora sighs, knowing who he means immediately. “He’s coming around, promise. He’s just dealing with… stuff.” 

“Oh. Ok.” It’s  _ not _ ok and they both know that, but there’s also nothing either of them can do about it. Still, it’s not like Sora is going to let anything keep him down for long. He smiles at Roxas and forces cheer into his voice.

“Anyway, is Ven sticking around for dinner?” he asks. “Riku should be back soon-ish, too, so we can grab something for everyone on the way home.”

Roxas shrugs, then regrets the action immediately as his shoulder twinge. “I dunno, he just said he was heading back to the mansion to hang out with Kairi, so I guess?” He sticks his hands in his pockets and remembers the added weight from the day’s activities. He grins. “Why don’t we pick up some ice cream for dessert, too? My treat.” ****


	5. Bromance

He’s been having these weird thoughts lately, but he’s not really sure if they’re his or…  _ his _ . 

With everything that’s been going on, he’d initially blamed them on the dreams-- memories?-- of Roxas and Lea hanging out together, the little thrill that Roxas felt when Axel went out of his way to show him something, or wanted to hang out with him, or… stupid stuff that was really inconsequential but made Roxas’ day a little brighter. He can’t remember all the bits and pieces, but as an outside observer, the memories make him think that for Roxas at least, their relationship was something really special.

That said, as someone who’s got to live with and sort through all of those emotions, it’s also kind of embarrassing. 

And now things are getting jumbled up. Roxas’ residual feelings from the memories he’s gained have started affecting how he feels, too. Lea is a prime example of that-- when he woke up, he’d thought Lea was attractive, yeah, but he hadn’t felt anything strong about him one way or the other. Now that he’s got Roxas’ thoughts and emotions clanging around in his head and heart, he’s diving behind dumpsters and blushing like an idiot whenever he thinks of the redhead. The trash can incident was a prime example of how the  _ other _ Roxas and his inability to cope with feelings have already had a negative impact on his own emotions-- and yes, that was definitely the other Roxas’ fault. 

Maybe it’s a sign that all the training and memory sharing stuff has actually helped, and he really  _ is  _ becoming more like the other Roxas. He doesn’t feel any different, no less himself, he’s just more confused than anything. He’s also worried that the other Roxas’ inability to accurately read and understand what’s going on will leave  _ him _ unable to get a proper read on the situation. Like Roxas’ weird obsession with Axel-- and most of his memories come back to Axel in one way or another-- was Axel  _ really  _ that involved with Roxas’s life, or did Roxas’ infatuation with the man read too much into every little interaction?

There’s only one way to know for sure, and there’s no good way to ask Lea about Axel’s feelings when the other Roxas has already made him look like an idiot. That leaves him no other option than relying on secondhand gossip, and hoping that someone with even more distance from the situation can give him a clearer reading on what really happened.

He finds Sora and Riku sitting side by side at the kitchen table, finishing up what looks like an early breakfast. The table’s kind of cramped with both of them sitting there, and Sora’s got his legs stuck out in such a way that his feet keep bumping into Riku’s. Riku doesn’t seem to mind or even notice; he’s reading from the book he holds in one hand while the other keeps Sora’s hand firmly on the table. Sora’s probably been trying to steal Riku’s pastry again, and Riku’s making sure it won’t happen again. Roxas has lost enough pieces of toast to Sora to appreciate Riku’s tactic.

Sora sees him come in and waves a mug in greeting with his free hand. “Hey Roxas! You’re up early, you gonna try out Ven’s workout schedule?”

Roxas grabs a piece of fruit from the bowl on the table and shrugs. “Some variation of it, I guess. I’m glad you’re both here, though, I was wondering, um…” and he stalls, trying to think of the best way to ask what the relationship between the two friends had been. 

Sora would know, right? He’d talked to Axel and hung out with Lea, so he’d have  _ some _ idea of what their friendship was like. And once he knows how biased Roxas’ memories of certain things are, he can figure out the best way to compensate for and deal with those biases.

“Were Axel and Roxas more than friends?”

Sora almost drops his mug, but Riku reaches across the table to catch it before it breaks on the stone floor. Riku smacks Sora on the back to help him clear his throat, but his attention is sharp and focused on  _ him _ as he stands in the doorway, head tilted in confusion. Sora manages to catch his breath after a moment and wipes tears from his eyes, still coughing juice.

“You can’t just walk into a room and start conversations like that!” he chides, and Roxas frowns in confusion, looking between the two of them. It’s odd. Sora’s face has gone red, but he’s not quite sure if it’s from the coughing, or if he’s upset by the question. He looks at Riku, who smiles a little and tries to explain.

“You startled him,” Riku says, which is  _ obvious _ , really, but Roxas waits for Riku to continue. Riku is good at breaking things down and explaining them. He knows he  _ feels _ things that he can’t always identify, and Riku puts things in such a way that makes it easier to understand and analyze.

“Why do you ask?” Riku asks, and Roxas crosses his arms and stares at his feet, trying to remember the exact sequence of thoughts that lead him to his conclusion.

“Ienzo said that Xemnas assigned Axel to watch over Roxas from the first day, and that Axel seemed to like going on missions with Roxas when he could,” he starts, trying to remember what else brought him to his working theory. 

“The ice cream man in the town square said that Axel and Roxas used to come several times a week to buy popsicles,” he says, “and that when Roxas came alone, he was sad. Kairi said that Lea told her that he wanted to help someone who was important to him. Lea was angry the day I was created because I was not ‘his Roxas.’”

He stops, and holds a hand against his chest. For some reason, every time he thinks about the day he woke up, his heart starts to hurt and he’s not sure why. Olette and Kairi told him it was probably because Lea had been so mean to him, but Roxas isn’t sure if that’s all there is to it. Seifer is mean to him sometimes, especially when Roxas beats him at Struggle. But his heart doesn’t hurt the same way.

“They were good friends,” Sora says. Apparently he’s stopped choking on his drink and is ok enough to talk now. Roxas looks up at him, and Sora smiles. “Why do you ask?”

“I think Roxas really liked Axel,” Roxas says, and Sora’s face starts to turn pink again. He doesn’t seem like he’s going to start coughing again, though, so Roxas tries to explain. “Everything people have told me is that they were close, and I think when Lea looks at me, he remembers his Roxas and he gets sad.”

“You  _ are _ his Roxas,” corrects Riku, and there’s anger in his voice, but Roxas doesn’t think Riku is angry at  _ him _ , so he tries not to get upset. Riku sighs. “Lea will come around. Just give him time.”

“I think Roxas would be sad to know Lea was hurting,” Roxas says at last, then yelps as Sora reached over to ruffle his hair.

“You need to stop  _ saying _ it like that,” Sora tells him. “You’re the same person.  _ You’re _ Roxas. You might not have all of your old memories, but you’re still you.”

“I’m me,” Roxas repeats, making a note to remember that Sora gets upset when he talks about the other Roxas. He tries again. “ _ I _ am sad to know that my presence upsets Lea. It makes it hurt.”

He gestures to his heart, not really sure how else to explain, but they seem to understand. Riku nods and taps his chin in thought, probably trying to think of a way to explain things. Sora just frowns into his cup, looking sad, then he takes another drink.

“You were best friends,” Riku says after a moment, and Roxas mulls this over, thinking about other examples of best friends he’s encountered. There are the Twilight Town friends, but they’ve never said they were best friends. There are the people who visit from Radiant Gardens sometimes, Cloud and Cid and Ienzo, but while they’re friendly, that doesn’t quite fit ‘best friends.’

“Like you and Sora?” Roxas asks, and Sora coughs again, his face going darker red. Riku just laughs and gives Roxas a wide grin.

“ _ Maybe _ ,” is all he says, and Roxas frowns. That’s not an answer, but apparently Riku isn’t going to explain, and Sora is hiding his face in his arms, so he must not be feeling well. Roxas leaves them to their breakfast, still not sure what it means to be ‘best friends,’ and whether the other Roxas’ feelings skewed his memories of what really happened between them.

Kairi finds him still trying to puzzle things out an hour later. She comes as he’s collecting munny from his latest training chore, waiting patiently as he thanks the man before pocketing his hard earned cash.

“Busy morning!” she greets, and he shrugs, falling in step with her as she head up the street. He offers to carry her picnic basket for her but she declines, asking him what he’s been up to instead.

“Ven made me promise I’d keep exercising,” he says, and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “It’s good to keep busy, I guess, and it’s nice to have the extra spending money to chip in for food and stuff.”

“Riku and Sora said you wanted to know more about your relationship with Axel,” she says, and he snaps his head around. She laughs. “I think they were a little surprised, that’s all. And based on your reaction, they didn’t really answer any questions, did they?”

He shakes his head and she sighs. “Those two…” she says, but there’s an indulgent smile on her face. “I’ll try to help as much as I can, but can I ask you a question first? Why did you want to know?”

He walks alongside her in silence for a minute, trying to think of the best way to explain things might be. Sora and Riku didn’t respond well to his blunt line of questioning, but Kairi’s always been to the point with him.

“I think Roxas liked Axel a lot,” he says at last, and she nods, encouraging him on. “And I’m wondering if his feelings towards Axel clouded his judgement and made some of the memories I’ve been getting wrong. Like, not  _ intentionally _ , but that he was reading too much into stuff because of how he felt.”

“You think Roxas’ feelings towards Axel created biased memories,” she says, and he feels a wave of relief. She gets it, at least.

_ “Yes!” _ he says, then hurries on, “And I think that his feelings might be influencing  _ my _ feelings and I worry that because Roxas was so awkward and weird around Axel it’s going to be really tough to have a normal conversation with Lea.” He sighs. “Whenever he actually talks to me, anyway.”

“Soon,” she promises. They walk a few more paces before she speaks again. “And you want to know if they were more than friends because you feel the same way about Lea that Roxas felt about Axel?” she asks, and he can feel his cheeks burn. He doesn’t look at her, but nods his head.

“He looked over at me and I hid behind a trash can,” he admits, and laughs with her even though he still feels like a moron. “If he had something special with Roxas, I don’t want to be a huge disappointment when I talk to him. And if they really were just friends… well, it’s already gonna be awkward.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kairi says, and stops halfway up the street to face him full-on. “No, don’t give me that look. Listen, you wanted to know about the history of Roxas and Axel, right? It doesn’t matter. It’s you and Lea now, and it sounds like  _ you _ like him, so why should the past make a difference?”

“It makes a difference if Roxas was reading too much into Axel being a friend,” he says, hurt that her advice is just as useless as Riku and Sora’s.

She rolls her eyes before she starts walking again. “Do you honestly think Lea would be avoiding you if Axel hadn’t had strong emotions for Roxas? If they were just casual friends, he wouldn’t be acting like such an idiot.”

“Oh,” he says, thinking that over. It makes sense, and he can feel his heartbeat pick up a little at the thought that maybe Roxas wasn’t a stupidly lovesick puppy after all. If  _ he’s _ feeling this strongly towards Lea...maybe Lea feels something for him, too? He flushes, feeling like an even bigger idiot. 

“Riku said they were best friends, but he didn’t know if they were best friends like him and Sora,” he says, and she laughs-- actually laughs to the point where she’s wiping tears away from her eyes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just--” and she giggles, trying to catch her breath and calm down a bit before she talks again. “I would’ve paid good munny to be there for that,” she says, but that doesn’t clarify anything at all. She sees his glare and takes pity on him. “Roxas, Riku and Sora have been dating for  _ months _ . You basically asked if they knew if Axel and Roxas were having sex.”

“Oh,” he says again, quieter this time. His face goes red as he realizes that yes, that makes a lot of sense, given how often the two were together. But it  _ still _ doesn’t answer his question. “Well, were they? I feel like that’s something I should know if I’m supposed to feel comfortable enough to talk to him.”

“This might come as a surprise but it never actually came up in our conversations,” she says, but puts her hand on his shoulder to give a quick squeeze. “But from what I can guess, based on what Lea’s told me, they were just friends. There wasn’t enough time for there to be anything more.” 

“So Axel probably felt something for Roxas… at least really close friendship,” he says after thinking that through. “But that doesn’t change the fact that my first reaction on seeing him was hiding behind a garbage bin.”

“Well, he just jumped into the nearest ship and flew away from his feelings,” she says, and they both laugh again. “Trust me, he has no grounds to tease you about that.”

They turn the final bend up the road to the train station and Roxas stops dead in his tracks, frozen in place by intense green eyes. Lea’s there, leaning against his ship and looking bored, and something in his face twitched when Roxas came into view. Roxas can’t read the expression, but his heart twists a little at the sight of him.

Kairi turns to smile at him, then gives him a tight hug. “Soon,” she promises, and he’s not sure  _ what _ will be soon, but she’s pushing him back the way they came, shooing him on with little gestures to keep going. He turns back to look at her and she just raises an eyebrow. Lea’s very pointedly  _ not _ looking in his direction, but he feels better all the same, now that he knows that Lea’s probably just as confused about everything as he is.

With a final wave to Kairi, he heads back down the road and keeps going til he gets to the job board. She’s given him a lot to think about, and he can’t help but feel that he’s going to be getting some of those answers very, very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the brief hiatus, guys! I'm working on a zine, "Treasured Memories," and in addition to that I've been working on a secret santa and SoRiku fic. Hoping things will settle down closer to Christmas so I can finish this! (I have most of it written, just not the next chapter, OTL)
> 
> Appreciate your patience and understanding! <3


	6. Close Encounters of the Lea Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NaNo is over, SoRiku has been posted, Secret Santa has been sent. We're back in business! Only 3 more chapters to go. :)

It’s almost impossible to settle down after his talk with Kairi; his mind is filled with ‘what if’ scenarios that involve what he’s going to say to Lea when they finally meet and have a proper conversation. _Soon_ , which is what everyone’s been telling him, but today, _soon_ actually feels tangible, and he’s looking forward to _soon_. He’s looking forward to seeing Lea-- and wonders if Lea will ever look forward to seeing him, too.

The others are well into their training sessions when he returns to the mansion, but Riku takes one look at him and gives him the rest of the day off, no questions asked. Roxas appreciates it-- he knows they asked Ven here specifically to help him, but he also knows that he’s not going to be able to concentrate on anything Ven tries to teach him. Unfortunately, now that he’s free to do what he wants, it also means that he’s got all this restless energy and nothing to do with it.

He decides to go for a run around the city, something mindless and physically taxing that’ll allow him to think about everything Kairi mentioned this morning. He’s got the phone Sora gave so they can get in touch with him if they need to, but it’s more for him in case he gets lost wandering the streets again. Today, though, he’s sticking to the main streets that are more familiar so he can let his mind wander on what Lea might say if Roxas met him at the docks.

> _“You’re here--Roxas, I’m sorry it took this long for us to talk.”_
> 
> _Lea’d probably be cleaning his ship or something. He’d be in casual clothes, anyway, because he never really seemed to dress up for his missions. Roxas would walk over to him-- maybe he’d have ice cream? That was his favorite, right?_
> 
> _He’d smile at Lea to break the tension. “Me too, but we’re talking now, right?”_
> 
> _“Yeah. I’ve missed you.” Lea would smile right back, welcoming the conversation._
> 
> _“I can’t really remember much of you but--”_

No, that wouldn’t be a good way to keep the conversation going. He scrapped that idea and tried again.

> _“I’m hoping that now we can hang out a bit so I can get to know you better.”_

He paused that thought, evaluating those words. That was better, but should he admit that he still doesn’t have all of the other Roxas’ memories? That he _feels_ things towards Lea, even though he can’t quite remember why? What if he starts describing one of his memories to Lea and it turns out that it wasn’t a memory at all but one of the other Roxas’ fantasies? Would Lea hold it against him? Would _he_ be able to face Lea after that?

> “ _Hey Roxas, how’s it going?”_
> 
> _Lea would sit down next to him in the mansion’s banquet hall-- well, more of a conference room, really, since the dining room table is still cut in half. But Lea would know his way around the place well enough to find Roxas, who’d be reading. Something smart, like one of those dusty books about World Gate Physics. Lea would be impressed, anyway._
> 
> _“Can’t complain,” he’d reply, casually closing the book and pushing it away to focus completely on Lea. “What’ve you been up to?”_
> 
> _Lea would grin at him, maybe put his feet up on the table because he_ **_knew_ ** _it would make Riku angry. “Mostly flying around, you know, doing stuff.”_
> 
> _“That’s cool. Sora said he’d take me with him sometime, once I have my keyblade again.”_
> 
> _“You still can’t use a keyblade? Lame.” Lea’d just get up and walk away-- he wouldn’t have time for losers who weren’t strong enough to summon a keyblade. It’d been a month, after all, and what did Roxas have to show for it?_

He sighed, picking up the pace in his run again. This wasn’t helping, in the end Lea would want to leave again and he’d be in an even worse situation than he was in now. Maybe it would be better if _he_ started the conversation, instead of waiting for Lea to say something?

> _Lea would be sitting on the hill, watching the sunset, and Roxas would walk up behind him, waiting for Lea to turn before he spoke._
> 
> _“I’m sorry I wasn’t who you were expecting.”_
> 
> _Lea would smile and hop off the fence to talk. “I didn’t even give you a chance-- I want to get to know you.”_
> 
> _“I’d like that, Axel.” That slip wouldn’t be intentional, but it would still bring a smile to Lea’s face. Lea would make an exasperated noise and then tap the side of his head._
> 
> _“It’s Lea-- got it memorized?”_

He grins. Maybe that’s not _exactly_ how it could go down, but he’s pretty sure it’d be better if he says something first, just so he can make sure that he starts the conversation off right. Less of a chance to mess up, afterall, and he _really_ doesn’t want to mess this one up. He owes it to Roxas-- _himself_ \-- as much as he wants to get it right for Lea.

He’s so caught up in wondering how he’s going to manage cornering Lea into a situation where he can get the first word in that he’s not able to react fast enough when someone comes running around the corner. They collide and he falls back to land hard, his muscles reminding him that Ven tried to kill him via exercise yesterday and they’re still not completely back to 100%, despite a hot bath and a potion.

Seifer’s thrown off his stride too, but he had Rai at his back so he’s able to stay upright. He frowns down at Roxas, but offers him a hand up without hesitation. Roxas takes it, reminding himself that the Seifer here might still be a jerk, but he’s not quite as antagonistic as the one from back home.

“You’re in an awful rush for someone with nowhere to be,” Seifer says, not letting go immediately. It’s more of a statement than a question. Then he smirks and tightens his grip. “Surprised they let you out here all on your own. You lookin’ for trouble?”

Roxas stares at him, thinking that over, and an idea begins to form. He grins, and returns just the tiniest amount of pressure to Seifer’s hold.

“Is that a challenge?”

And like that, he’s found a new way to burn off all that extra energy. He spends the afternoon in rounds of Struggle against Seifer and his goons, thoughts of Lea receding as he dodges attacks, gives it all he’s got, and gets some good hits in. By the time they’re done they’re all panting but smiling, and Seifer holds out a hand in truce.

“Next time I won’t go so easy on ya, you know?”

It’s been such a great way to distract himself that he’s completely forgotten about his plans to talk to Lea until he’s sitting on the clock tower eating ice cream when he hears footsteps on the stairs. He freezes, back straight as the familiar gait stops in the doorway behind him, and the awkward tension tangible.

“Hey.”

Lea walks past him to sit on the ledge in Axel’s-- _his_ \-- usual spot, not looking at him, but not ignoring him either. Roxas swallows hard, forcing himself to find his voice.

“H-hey.”

Great, just great. He’s already messed up his chance to take control of the situation, and now Lea is gonna think he’s an idiot-- more than he already does because of the damn trash can incident. Roxas wishes he could melt into the shadows-- god, if he’s thinking about that, that means Lea is too. He’s trying to remember what he’d planned to open the conversation with when Lea beats him to it.

“Relax, I’m not going to push you off the ledge,” Lea says. It’s not at all what Roxas is expecting to hear, and he turns to look at Lea, confused. Lea just laughs and taps a finger to the side of his head. “Keep it memorized.”

A memory of Axel using the same gesture flickers across his thoughts, followed by a memory of Sora pretending to be Lea as he recounts one of their adventures together. Roxas laughs, feeling some of the tension leave him. It’s so typical, so _familiar_ that he can’t help it.

“He told me you said things like that. I didn’t believe him,” he says when Lea gives him an odd look. Lea just frowns harder.

“He?”

“Sora. The… ‘memorized’ thing. He said you say it a lot.” He’s not quite sure how much he should push the familiarity, but they have to start somewhere, right? And it feels comfortable to tease back. “It’s kinda lame.”

“ _Lame?_ ” Lea’s voice is so indignant that Roxas laughs despite himself, and covers his mouth when Lea gives him a sour look.

“Sora’s words, not mine,” he says, and Lea deflates a little, leaning back against the tower wall. Roxas is almost worried that he maybe pushed it a bit too far, but Lea doesn’t seem _that_ upset, and besides, Sora _had_ mentioned Axel’s catchphrase.

It just feels _right_ , sitting here by Lea, taking in the sunset and bantering back and forth. Something that’s been lodged in his chest breaks a little, and he can breathe a little easier now that Lea’s here beside him. Axel had been important to Roxas, and Lea’s presence here, now, suggests that maybe the pull went the other way, too. That, or he’d gotten tired of Kairi’s nagging.

He risks a peek over at Lea, and the red head doesn’t seem to have the resentful air of someone who’s been bullied into doing something he doesn’t want to do. If anything he seems sad, and Roxas can’t help but wonder if he’s just disappointed that Roxas isn’t who he’d hoped for.

“Ienzo said I won’t ever remember everything,” he admits, knowing that he has to be upfront and honest. He can’t let Lea think everything will go back to the way it was before everything happened-- he doesn’t know enough to pretend, and Lea deserves to know the truth. “Too much data was lost, and too many memories are fragmented and broken. I’ve tried… piecing things together, based on what people tell me, but even though I _know_ stuff that I did, I don’t remember it, so it doesn’t feel real.”

He stares down at his hands, wondering if Lea remembers the day he woke up, and how he’d attempted to give Roxas memories through touch. He’d been so _warm_ , hotter than anyone else Roxas has met.

“He said that since I’m incomplete, and since Kairi doesn’t have all of Namine’s memory manipulation abilities, there probably isn’t enough left to bring Xion back without risking too much data loss. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” is the immediate response-- too quick to be considered sincere. Roxas tightens his fists and wishes that didn’t sting so much. He knew Lea would be disappointed, but… he sighs. He hoped it wouldn’t be _this_ soon into their conversation.

“Hey.” Lea interrupts his thoughts and then nods towards the sunset when he sees that he has Roxas’ attention. “Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red.”

“It’s a light thing,” Roxas says, then smiles at Lea’s startled expression. “Ienzo keeps his lab full of books,” he admits, then shrugs, deciding to use Lea’s own words to explain. “I might not remember everything, but I memorized a lot of useless stuff. I had a lot of free time on my hands.”

“Know-it-all,” says Lea, but he’s smiling again, and Roxas grins in return. They watch the sunset a bit longer before Lea speaks up again. “I promised I would be there to get my friends back, and the first thing I did was run away.”

Roxas frowns over at him, but Lea’s still focused on the sunset-- or maybe he’s remembering something, or someone, and his gaze is miles away.

“I promised that I’d do anything to keep Roxas and Xion safe. I guess I always figured I would instinctively know what that meant.” He turns his face back to Roxas, face slightly pained. “Did they tell you who Xion was?”

“They said she was a puppet filled with stolen memories, that she destroyed herself to help Sora,” he admits, and he can’t look at Lea, not when he knows that Lea’s going to be disappointed again. “She was like me.”

“She was one of my best friends,” Lea says after a moment. There’s regret in his voice, but no resentment. “I didn’t know what she was at first, but when I found out I didn’t care. I just wanted to keep her safe, because she was important to me. Then she was gone and I forgot all about her. When Roxas left, I was alone.”

Roxas swallows, a small thrill of fear running through him. He tugs at the borrowed scarf around his neck, suddenly aware of how tightly wound it sits around his neck.

“I don’t think me destroying myself will bring him back,” he says after a moment.

He jumps as Lea puts a hand on his shoulder, unable to stop the flinch at the sudden contact. Lea senses this and turns his touch into a gentle pat before pulling away.

“I’m not asking you to,” Lea says instead, and he almost sounds upset that Roxas would jump to that conclusion, which is weird, because what _else_ was Roxas supposed to assume? Still, Lea isn’t done. “What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter what you are. The only thing that matters is who you become.”

He hasn’t expected this. None of his scenarios prepared him for this, and he’s not really sure what he’s supposed to say, so he just repeats, “Who I… become?”

“I’m hoping it’s a friend,” Lea says, looking like he’s going to hold onto Roxas’ shoulder again. Roxas flinches despite himself, and Lea simply holds up his hand to show he’s not going to push further.

“Look, I’m sorry about… man, I’m sorry about everything,” Lea sighs and runs fingers through his hair. “I treated you like crap and it wasn’t _your_ fault that you weren’t what I was expecting. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on how much of a jerk I was, though, and I’m sorry for lashing out and taking everything out on you. And then I ran away instead of staying to get to know you, instead of staying to _help_ you like I promised Sora and everyone else that I would. I’ve been so busy chasing the past that I didn’t stop to think about what I have here, and… I’m sorry.”

Roxas sits there, stunned, and tries to process what Lea’s said. He didn’t really expect Lea to apologize, let alone say anything to suggest that he anticipated that they could be friends on their own-- not Axel and Roxas, but Lea and _him_ . Granted, he _is_ Roxas, in this moment he’s “felt” Roxas more than he even has before and he’s not sure if it’s because of all the shared memories or or if it’s just Lea’s presence in general that’s making him feel more real than ever before.

But he can’t lie to Lea-- he can’t pretend to be someone he’s not, even if he thinks that maybe he _will_ be, one day. At least in part. But Lea deserves to know the whole truth if he’s going to try to be friends.

“I don’t really know you,” he admits. “I don’t have any memories of you.” He’s _definitely_ not going to talk about the memories that he is 90% sure are daydreams and fantasies. He’ll let Lea bring those up if and whenever they ever get close enough to talk about…. stuff like that.

“The only things I know about you are what other people have told me,” he says, trying to explain how he both is and isn’t Axel’s Roxas. “They _feel_ familiar, but I can’t…. Sora said we were best friends. I asked Ienzo but he doesn’t like to talk about stuff that happened... before. When he was, when _we_ were… not human.”

Lea smiles and offers him a hand.

“I can’t promise that I remember everything, but I can tell you what I do remember. Just ask me your questions and I’ll answer anything I can,” he says. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”

Roxas takes his hand and gives him a tentative smile in return.

“Ok then… friends.”

There’s a memory of something so familiar and achingly real that Roxas almost cries, feeling a sense of _rightness_ fall into place and settle in his heart. But he’s not going to allow himself to get caught up in the moment and end up acting like a fool. Instead, he clears his throat and gives Lea one of his brightest smiles.

“So, first question for Lea, my new friend-- how do you feel about ice cream?”

Lea must feel it too-- there’s a definite shine to his eyes as well as he smiles and nods.

“Ice cream would be great.”

And suddenly Roxas knows that things are gonna work out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end of the "Defragmentation" content, so consider this the beginning of the 'ever after' phase.


	7. Something to Hold On To

Things have been better since that day on the tower. Lea had to leave for a mission but he’s been making an effort to stop in and talk to Roxas, sometimes staying overnight and even coming to practice with everyone in the morning. It feels right, _better_ than right to have Lea at his side, and Roxas is always the first to greet him when he lands. Sora teases him, of course, but not even Riku's quiet comments about being eager can put a damper on the feeling of excitement Roxas feels every time Lea’s ship comes into view.

Lea always greets him like he’s been doing it his whole life, no sign of the uncomfortable tension from their earlier interactions. His visits are full of little touches here and there, a shoulder bump to make sure that Roxas is paying attention, or messing up Roxas’ hair when he’s in range, or an easy arm around the shoulders after a long day. They’re early mornings training in the yard, lazy afternoons of Struggle and ice cream, and long nights of watercolor sunsets and starry skies. Each time he leaves, Twilight Town feels a little smaller, a little dimmer, and Roxas spends his nights on the roof to search the stars for some sign of where Lea’s gone, and when he’ll return.

From what he can tell, Lea isn’t Axel, not really. He’s been watching Lea, learning what he can and, bit by bit, remembering more of the time during the Organization. There are still holes in his memories, missing pieces that Ienzo thinks might belong to Xion, but there’ve been more memories of Axel, giving him a feel for who the man in front of him was, and who he might be now.

The Axel of his memories is sharp tongued and sly; friendly, but close-lipped. He says one thing but means two, and you can trust him with your secrets, but not your life.

Lea is just as brilliant and burns bright in Roxas’ thoughts, but there's a softness there that Axel lacked. Lea’s fighting style is all flash and fire, but Roxas has no doubt that while a lot of Lea’s moves are made for dramatics, there’s power behind those punches too. Lea’s favorite things include sleeping in and afternoon naps, and snacking on ice cream while they watch the setting sun. He doesn’t answer to anyone except Kairi, and he’s got a wicked blend of humor and sarcasm that never fails to make Roxas laugh.

“You _still_ haven’t managed to call up a keyblade? Wow.”

...even if he _does_ still like to tease Roxas.

Roxas sighs and shrugs, used to it by now. “Yeah, well, nothing’s worked so far.”

“Ok, what’ve you tried?”

And _that’s_ why Roxas tolerates the teasing. Lea might laugh when someone does something stupid, but he’s also there to help them up when they’re down. He makes himself comfortable, waiting for Roxas to explain, but Roxas isn’t really sure what to say.

“I reach out, imagine the keyblade in my hand, and then... “ Roxas holds out his hand, trying to remember the feel of the various keyblades he’s held over the last few months of practice, but there’s nothing, just like always. Lea watches him with crossed arms and raises an eyebrow when Roxas lowers his hand in defeat.

“That’s it?”

“I still don’t get why it’s such a big deal,” Roxas lies, trying not to let the incredulity in Lea’s voice sting. “I can use a regular weapon just fine, but Yen Sid said it should still work, and Sora’s determined to have me wielding a keyblade before I can leave, so I’m open to suggestions. I don’t know what else to do, holding other people’s keyblades doesn’t help.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Lea says, and Roxas is about to suggest where he stuff his own keyblade when Lea shakes his head. “It’s not about imagining it in your hand-- well, not _just_ imagining it. A lot of it has to do with what you’re gonna _do_ with the blade once you’ve got it.”

Roxas stares at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s like…” Lea trails off and scratches his head, no doubt trying to think of some example that even someone with Roxas’ limited experience can get. He snaps his fingers. “It’s all well and good to unlock a door, but you’re not going to get very far if you don’t open the door too, right?”

Roxas frowns, trying to imagine it. “So I just need to… push?”

“Not _literally,_ metaphorically. Think of _why_ you want the keyblade to form.”

Roxas looks down a his hand, then back up at Lea.“I don’t really care one way or another. I don’t think it’s that important.”

“Not helpful.” Lea leans back the bench and conjures up a bit of fire. It dances across his fingers, and Roxas watches in fascination. “There’s _nothing_ you want? Nothing you think that’s worth fighting for?”

There’s a _lot_ worth fighting for, Roxas is sure of it, but he hardly thinks that his ability to summon a keyblade will keep Lea by his side. So he deflects the question instead.

“Well, what did you think of when you summoned your keyblade for the first time?”

“You,” Lea says without hesitation, then shakes his head as Roxas stares at him, open-mouthed. “Not in the way you’re thinking. I rescued Sora and I wanted a keyblade to help me beat back the bad guys while I did it. It didn’t work-- _but_ I managed to swoop in and save the day anyway, thank you very much.” He winks at Roxas and continues as though he hasn’t noticed the blush Roxas can feel burning across his cheeks.

“My keyblade appeared when I thought about how I was going to use it to get you and Xion back, no matter what it took.” He closes his fist and the fire skirts up along his keyblade as it appears in front of him. He stares at it for a minute before shrugging. “I guess keyblades are so closely linked to the heart that if you don’t know what it is you want, you’ll never be strong enough to wield one.”

“...why has no one else explained this?” Roxas asks at last, realizing how many months he’s wasted because he didn’t have this key point of reference. Lea shrugs again.

“I guess it was so second nature to them that they didn’t even realize they were doing it,” he says, then laughs. “That and I’m just the smartest and most sensitive person around, _obviously_. But you’ve gotta know what your heart wants before you can act on it, you know?”

“What my heart wants…” Roxas repeats, staring at his hand again. He clenches it into a fist and drops it, shaking his head. “I don’t--” he cuts himself off, trying to think of how to explain it. “The stuff I want… isn’t possible, and besides, it wouldn’t work for this.”

“What do you mean?” Lea asks as he dismisses his own keyblade. Roxas sighs, not really wanting to answer that question, but he doesn’t want to disappoint Lea, either.

“I want to feel like a real person,” Roxas admits, and he realizes that he’s never said that out loud before, but it’s the best way to describe the hollow feeling he gets when Lea leaves, and why he always feels like he’s set apart from the others. They do their best to include him, but he’s _not_ one of them. His regular check ups with Ienzo and Tron are evidence enough of his condition.

“Everywhere I go, everything I do, I’m reminded that I’m only what’s left of other people,” he says, putting the feelings into words for the first time. “I want to have a normal life, with school and friends and jobs. I want to go home to my own room and worry about homework and summer vacation. I want my parents to be real. I want to be _me_.”

“You are you.”

Lea puts his hands on Roxas’ shoulders and gives them a quick squeeze. “We can’t change some things, but real, unreal… what you’ve gotta focus on is what you know now, and what you want to become, ok? Think of it as a clean slate-- you can do anything you want, become anyone you want. All that’s up to you.”

Then he pulls back to scratch his chin and tilt his head in thought while Roxas stares at the ground. “You’re right, though, that’s not really gonna help you with this…” He snaps his fingers and grins when he gets Roxas’ attention again. “How about this-- make your keyblade appear and you get ice cream on me!”

Roxas snorts. “I was gonna get ice cream anyway, though, with or without you.”

“ _Rude_ ,” Lea laughs, then leans over Roxas’ shoulder to hold up his hands in a picture frame as he sets the scene. “Ok then, picture this-- you, me, a cooler full of ice cream, and a hotwired gummi ship. We’ll set off on a grand adventure to visit all the different worlds and I can remind you of the stuff we did together, and then we’ll check out new worlds so we can make new memories together, got it?”

_Remind you of the stuff we did together_. Roxas’ heart quickens at that, and he’s intensely aware of the heat coming from Lea’s arms. If he were taller, or if Lea lowered his hands a bit, it would almost be like Lea was hugging him from behind.

He shakes his head, trying to clear away stupid, distracting thoughts and tries to focus. Lea’s trying to help him, after all, and it’s rude not to listen.

“Why would I need a keyblade for that, though?”

Lea laughs. “What, you’re gonna make me do all the work? It’ll be an _adventure_ , man. I’ll be there, but don’t you want the chance to make your own path?”

He wants to go on that adventure. He _wants_ to visit new worlds with Lea, to stay by Lea’s side, for as long as he can. He wants Lea to want that too, and if getting a keyblade is the only way to make that happen--

His arm buckles a little under the weight of his keyblade as it forms in his hand, but his heart has never felt lighter.


	8. Start -> Run -> Flirt.exe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the shipping begins, guys, so if AkuRoku isn't your thing and you've somehow made it this far into the fic, now's your chance to close out the tab. For everyone else, we've got two more chapters to go. They're longer than the previous ones, but I think you'll agree they're worth the wait. ;)

“Something bugging you?”

Roxas jumps as the unexpected voice startles him from his thoughts, and he has to catch himself before he drops the ice cream onto the unsuspecting people below. He’s been hanging out with Lea as often as possible and the man can _still_ catch him off guard. Roxas has never known anyone so good at sneaking up on people, but then again, he hasn’t really been paying that much attention on his surroundings. The _other_ Roxas’ memories have been… distracting, to say the least.

When he’s made sure that nothing is in imminent danger of falling from the tower, he turns and Lea nudges him with his shoulder.

“You just have this weird expression on your face, like you’re not happy about something.” Lea frowns, staring at him like he’s been ordered by Ienzo to take notes on their conversation and he doesn’t want to miss a single detail. “You’re not overdoing it, are you? I know you wanna go out and see new worlds, but it’s not worth making yourself miserable.”

“Oh,” Roxas says, then lowers his ice cream. Something _is_ bothering him, but he can’t figure out how to talk to Lea about it, and that bothers him even more. It’s been bothering him for weeks now, the concern growing as he thinks on it more and more frequently. He chews on his bottom lip, stalling for time. “I’m not unhappy.”

“Yeah, I can tell you’re ecstatic,” Lea says with a roll of his eyes, and Roxas flushes, looking down and away. “Seriously, though,” Lea continues. “Is there something on your mind?”

When Roxas still hesitates, Lea sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with one hand as he lowers his ice cream bar in the other. “Look, I meant what I said, ok? If you have questions for me, just ask. I’m not gonna bite your head off or yell at you or anything. No stupid questions and all that.”

Lea’s said that a couple of times now, and he’s right, he’s never gotten angry at Roxas for asking questions. There were a few times that he got sad, once that he got confused, but never angry. Roxas knows he can trust Lea to be good to his word-- he can feel it, even if many of the memories of Axel are still hazy, half-remembered things.

Still, it’s not like he can just up and say “Did Roxas ever kiss you?”

...He didn’t actually mean to ask that out loud.

Lea stares at him open mouthed, his ice cream bar halfway to his mouth. He does that when Roxas asks questions, takes a bit of food or drink or something so he can ‘chew’ on the question, so to speak, before he answers. But Roxas got the question out before the ice cream got in, and now its melted drips are falling unnoticed onto Lea’s thigh. Roxas flushes, looks down, and mumbles “nevermind” before taking a bite out of his own bar.

But the question has been bugging him for _ages_ now, more so now that Lea will actually talk to him. At first he thought it might have been an initial contact high from soaking in so much heat when he first woke up (coupled with the pretty face). Lea’s abrupt departure had hurt, but Roxas had chalked it up to his initial confusion and the overwhelming emotions of what had to be the worst day of his life. Granted, technically it had been the _first_ day of his life, too, but after the initial shock and fear and overall confusion he’d felt in the days to follow, Lea continued to be a sore point, almost like an empty hole in his heart.

In the weeks that followed, hearing about things the _other_ Roxas had done, trying to sort dreams from memories, figuring out who he was in all of this-- he’d analyzed everything he knew of Roxas _before_ he went into the data simulation with everything he’d felt since being created. And, unfortunately, he’d come up with only one viable conclusion: Roxas had liked Axel.

Every story had Roxas and Axel laughing about this, or talking about that. Ienzo had hinted that Roxas followed Axel around like a puppy long after his initial confusion and ‘zombie days’ were over. Even thinking about Lea-- or rather, _Axel_ \-- left him with a strange warmth and sharp pain. He’d spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking about what the _other_ Roxas would’ve done in this situation, and even more wondering if Lea thought of Axel as the _other_ himself, too.

And now that they’re finally talking-- about ‘Axel’ stuff, nothing about how he feels now that he’s Lea again-- Roxas can’t help but wonder if Axel had known about Roxas’ crush, and if he had, if Lea thinks it disappeared with whatever version of Roxas he’s been keeping in his heart.

Lea’s still dodgy about some topics, and when Roxas asks about certain things or says certain words, Lea clams up and leaves, or worse, he gets sad.That’s why Roxas hadn’t meant to say that aloud. If Axel and Roxas had been kissing, or… _more_ (and he blushes even thinking this, but Sora and Riku remain adamant that they have no idea) then Roxas had just given him yet another reminder of something he’s lost. It also explains why Lea was so upset when Roxas turned out not to be who he thought-- who he’d _hoped_ he would be.

Now he can feel Lea staring at him and his blush darkens, his cheeks hot and no doubt bright red. He’s an _idiot_ and Lea’s going to get angry-- or even worse, he might make _fun_ of him and Roxas isn’t sure he can take that. But when he finally steals a glance, Lea’s expression is unreadable. He seems tense, like he’s just gonna get up and leave again, and Roxas shrinks in on himself a little, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut.

“No…?”

The reply is soft and tinged with... something. Lea looks confused, but he almost sounds sad and Roxas isn’t sure why that would be.

“Oh,” he says instead, and looks down at his ice cream again. “I think he probably wanted to. I mean, based on everything I’ve heard, and what I can remember,” he admits as an afterthought, then takes another bite of his ice cream.

Lea doesn’t have anything to say to that, he’s just sort of staring at his hands with the oddest expression on his face. Roxas feels…. relieved isn’t the right word, but he’s glad to know that he didn’t forget something like that, something that might hurt Lea if he had to remember it all on his own. He wonders if he should feel embarrassed, admitting the _other_ Roxas’ feelings when there’s no way for Axel to do anything about it now, but he doesn’t, because it’s gotten to the point where the other Roxas’ feelings are his feelings, and Lea’s always told him that he needs to stay true to his heart.

He licks his lips, thinking that over, and looks up at Lea again.

“Can I kiss you?”

Lea blinks for a minute and just stares at him, expression blank. Roxas swallows. He’d just assumed that since Axel had been so close to Roxas and Lea had worked so hard to bring him back that the feelings were probably mutual. That it would be fine talking about how much Roxas liked Axel, because Axel-- and now, maybe Lea-- had liked him back. But maybe Axel _hadn’t_ felt anything for Roxas because he hadn’t had a heart, at least, not a _real_ one, so maybe Roxas’ feelings had been one-sided after all.

Then Lea laughs, and something _shifts_ in Roxas’ chest, because Lea is smiling at him and suddenly nothing else matters.

“I dunno, can you?”

That’s...not the answer he expected, but at the same time, it’s not a ‘no.’ If anything, it sounds like a challenge, and he feels his cheeks burn as he looks into Lea’s eyes, trying to gauge if Lea is serious or not. But there’s no hint of derision and Lea’s leaned in a bit, almost as though he’s daring Roxas to give it a try.

“W-what?” he asks, wondering if he’s misunderstanding something, or if Lea’s going to tease him about this because he doesn’t actually return the feelings.

Lea grins, then nudges him again. “I dunno if you can or not. You’re kinda short, can you even reach?”

Roxas blinks. Twice. Then-- “I can _too_ reach, shut up! I’m not that short, you’re just freakishly tall!”

“Prove it.” Lea’s still smiling, really smiling, like, it’s reached his eyes and even though he’s got his shit-eating grin on Roxas can feel the warmth radiating off of him. He’s watching Roxas expectantly and Roxas can feel his heart picking up speed, hear a distant ringing in his ears as his attention focuses on crossing the gap between them. Lea _is_ pretty tall, he’s got almost eight inches on Roxas even when they’re sitting down, and even though they’re sitting pretty close together, it’s still gonna be a bit of a stretch.

Roxas half turns towards Lea, putting a hand on Lea’s thigh for leverage and sucking in breath a bit when he feels Lea’s heat through the fabric. Apparently he _hadn’t_ been delusional that first day he woke up, Lea really _did_ feel like a furnace. A very sexy furnace, sure, one that’s muscles tightened under Roxas’ touch. But Lea hasn’t broken eye contact, although his expression has softened, and Roxas watches his face for some hint of what’s going through his head.

He’s so focused on Lea that he doesn’t notice that in turning more towards Lea, he’s actually sliding off the edge of the clock tower. The lack of stone under his butt doesn’t even register until there’s a sudden weightlessness, followed by a painful yank as Lea shouts and grabs him by the arm and under the shoulder. There’s a scramble for purchase against the smooth face of the stone and then Lea’s hauling him back over the edge, where Lea falls flat on his back with Roxas pulled tight against him.

With his head pressed up against Lea’s chest, Roxas can _feel_ the pounding of Lea’s heart as they both draw in rapid, shallow pants. And then, once they’ve managed to catch their breaths, Lea starts to laugh, a fast, almost wild thing, and Roxas shakes in laughter with him, smiling now that his body’s realized that it’s safe and not plummeting towards a grisly death.

Somehow those eight inches don’t seem all that intimidating now, so he squirms in Lea’s arms until they’re loosened, and uses the freedom to slide the rest of the way up Lea’s chest and bring his face more or less level with Lea’s.

The kiss is tentative. Just a quick brushing of lips, testing, tasting, trying to see if this is all really real, or if he’s going to wake up all alone in his bed, the bed that he’d stolen from Lea, apparently.

Lea makes a noise and he loosens his hold on Roxas even more, which makes Roxas pull away, worried that he’s taken something that wasn’t really being offered. But Lea’s only let go so he could move one hand to the small of Roxas’ back, pressing him closer, while the other runs fingers through Roxas’ hair as it makes its way to the back of his neck.

Lea encourages him down for a second kiss, and this one lasts longer, though the touching of lips is no less delicate, and somehow even more tender, as though Lea is afraid that Roxas will break if he’s too forceful in his touch.

That leaves it up to Roxas to make the third kiss more enthusiastic, and he presses his whole body against Lea’s as he leaves open mouthed kisses along Lea’s jawline. Lea lets out a soft sigh, his fingers kneading the back of Roxas’ neck while his other hand finds its way under Roxas’ shirt and up his spine.

Lea is molten under his touch, all languid heat curled into long muscled limbs, soft and inviting despite his angles and sharp edges. Roxas soaks it all in, reveling in how easily he fits against Lea, and feeling the familiar tingle of magic that’s unique to the sharing of memories and emotions. He’s used to feeling it in his hands, where he holds onto Sora, Ven, and the others while they tell him about things that were. But here, so close to Lea, his skin tingles at the contact of skin on skin, and Lea’s fingers and mouth leave trails along his flesh that are almost numb with pleasure.

They end up laying on the stone balcony for some time after they finally break apart, although Roxas eventually slides off Lea’s chest to tuck up against him, head resting on Lea’s shoulder. It’s peaceful, so high above the sounds of city life and traffic, and Roxas realizes that he’s never seen this view of the sky, with its muted colors of sunset and the bright pinpricks of stars. It’s beautiful, and he gets to share it with Lea, their own personal secret.

“Getting me on my back is cheating, y’know,” Lea says after their breathing has leveled out. Roxas can hear the smile in his voice, and he tilts his head back to see Lea wink at him.

“I’ll just have to try again later, then,” Roxas promises, and Lea’s grin widens.

“You can certainly try,” he laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you still around, stay tuned for the next chapter, when the rating goes from T to E! Fun times ahead. XD  
> In the meantime... Merry Christmas! <3


	9. Memory Leak (explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~*!PLEASE NOTE THE RATING CHANGE!*~
> 
> Also, for plot purposes that will become apparent in a moment, this chapter is from Lea's point of view. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, I've added notes on what a memory leak is at the bottom of the work. :)

It starts in small missteps.

A sloppy block while they’re sparring, or tripping up the stairs and laughing it off as untied shoelaces. Forgetting what point he was trying to make mid-sentence, or zoning out completely for minutes at a time, unresponsive to his name. Little things, typical of someone who’s a little careless. Lea would expect it of Sora, who laughs at his mistakes and moves on.

It’s not in Roxas’ nature to be careless.

But they don’t do anything about it, not at first. Not until Roxas freezes in the middle of a mission and falls to the ground, his body locked in the awkward position for a good five minutes before he comes to. Lea takes care of the heartless on his own, but he’s got one eye on his fallen comrade, and he’s there the moment Roxas sits up.

He’s confused and his responses are slurred, but Lea manages to get him up off the pavement and into the gummi ship, blasters at full throttle while Roxas fades in and out of consciousness. Lea bodily hauls him back to the lab in Twilight Town for tests and whatever repairs can be done.

Roxas floats in the pod for two hours while the machines do their best to repair the physical damage as Tron accesses the programs and protocols baked into the base form of the puppet. The program is looking for flaws in the code that might be patched or restored, anything they can do to get Roxas up and running again.

Lea stands by him through it all, hand to the glass. He’s trying to send reassuring thoughts and strength towards Roxas, but Roxas seems unable to focus. When Tron clears him to pull Roxas out, Lea all but dives into the pod himself and extracts him from the liquid, wrapping him in a blanket and holding him close.

It’s just like the first day they met. Lea prays to any gods who will listen that it won’t be their last.

They’re in that position when Roxas finally comes back to himself again, and they sit, unmoving, while they wait for expert opinions on what’s going on. Roxas huddles against him for warmth as Lea runs fingers through his hair, trying to keep him calm despite his own thundering heart. They talk of nothing in particular, stupid, silly nothings to pass the time and distract them from the situation. Roxas shivers against him, and Lea doesn’t remark on the fact that Roxas is radiating more heat than _he_ is.

Then Ienzo walks over and looks at them with as much sympathy as someone hiding half their face can muster.

It’s a memory leak.

“With all of the extra memories being loaded into his system, he’s running out of space,” Ienzo explains, pointing to printouts compiled by Tron. “He’s remembering too many things at once, which is overloading the system and causing internal damage.”

Roxas seems too out of it to understand, but Lea is pretty sure he knows what that means. It’s what Yen Sid and the others have been pushing for all this time, what _he’s_ tried to do to help Roxas recover more quickly. A lump of fear settles in his stomach.

“You mean, like, Xion’s memories, right?” Lea asks. Ienzo nods, and Lea thinks aloud. “So can’t we, like, just extract them or something? There’s gotta be enough there that we can work it into _something_.”

“The damage is already done,” Ienzo says, not unkindly. “The processors overheated enough times that the system’s too damaged to reach full capacity again. They’ll just keep running to the point where they fail, and the system failures will start to occur at a more frequent rate.”

“How long?” It’s Roxas who asks, apparently awake enough at last to join in the conversation. Just as well; Lea’s gone too numb to speak.

“A few more months, maybe a year or two.” Ienzo’s voice is apologetic, but the data he holds is damning, and there’s no real way to sugar coat the situation. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, Lea.” Roxas smiles at him and squeezes his hand, but he’s still an off-color, pasty white. Lea makes an irritated noise, but doesn’t let go of him.

“It’s really not.”

“We were never supposed to have a next life, remember?” Roxas asks, and it’s the same expression he wore the night he left the Organization. “We’re lucky we got this much more time together.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not _enough!_ ” Lea’s fist slams down on the arm of his chair with enough force to crack the wood.

Roxas shifts in Lea’s hold to look over at Ienzo again. “You can’t… transfer my memories to a new form?” he asks, but the man shakes his head, holding up the clipboard again.

“We burned out the final three shells in our attempts to recreate Xion. While I have blueprints, I am not Even, and he’s not exactly available to ask. It will take me time to understand the mechanics behind the units, let alone build one. Time that you do not have.”

“...so what’s gonna happen to me?”

“It’s already started,” Ienzo says. “Memory leaks are when processes take up too much memory on the internal hardware of a system, leading to freezing and potentially burning up a system from overheating. You might begin to forget something mid-sentence, or stop movements halfway into them. Eventually you’ll be unable to speak or move, if your systems inside don’t overheat first. It won’t be an easy death. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.”

“I am truly sorry, Roxas,” Ienzo says, but Lea doesn’t feel like he sounds sorry enough. “In our haste to bring you back, we failed to properly test the unit for flaws. There is nothing we can do to patch the hardware now, you’re too firmly established.”

“You could digitize us,” Lea says, speaking for the first time. Roxas and Ienzo look at him, and he shrugs. “The problem is this unit in the real world, right? So we both go back to data world for a while, stay there while you figure out how to build another puppet.”

“The Twilight Town Simulation was dismantled so we could recover Roxas’ data,” Tron says from one of the monitors. “Removing Roxas took out the core of the program, which promptly shut down. The entire project is now permanently offline.”

Lea turns to look at Roxas, but he’s gone. Lea’s just holding a blank puppet, no face, no clothes, nothing. He stares down in horror as what’s left begins to crumble into a million little fragments of light, fading away into the darkness that’s crept into the room, cascading over the walls and across the floor, eating everything in its path. Ienzo is gone, and the lab, and then it’s just Lea, but he can feel the tingling burn of fire and shadows crawling up his skin, remembers the taste of death on his tongue, and he knows without a doubt he’ll be gone in a minute, too.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Lea wakes up, heart pounding.

He’s out the door and running down the corridor before it even registers that it was just a dream, and he’s got the door open and the lights on before he realizes he should’ve knocked first.

Roxas sits up in bed, dazed, blinking away sleep as he focuses on Lea coming to his bedside. His hair spikes are mussed and he’s got pillow marks on one side of his face, but he looks intact. His face and torso don’t have that feverish red from Lea’s dream, and while his movements seem slow, it’s probably because he was startled awake, not because there’s any internal issues.

“Lea…?” he’s groggy, but he’s making an effort to wake up. He even smiles like he’s happy to see Lea at… god, he doesn’t even know what time it is. Early hours of the morning, no hint of dawn yet. Then Roxas frowns, scrubbing at his eyes with the back of one hand as he yawns, twice. “Is this surprise training?”

“Are you feeling ok?” Lea asks, kneeling down to the side of the bed and putting a hand on Roxas’ forehead before he can answer.

Roxas just blinks at him, sleepy, but he seems to be ok. Lea tries to reassure himself by checking Roxas’ pulse and holding his hand to the side of Roxas’ neck, trying to gauge his temperature. It seems normal, but Roxas is distinctly pink-- are his systems overheating? Ienzo’s voice is a quiet echo in the back of his head, _The damage is already done._

“You look flushed, do you feel warmer than usual? You look like you’re burning up. Should I take you to Ienzo to get you checked out?”

“Um… I’m not dressed,” Roxas says, more alert now. There’s a definite pinkness to his cheeks, and it’s spread across his shoulders and chest. Roxas pulls up the blanket for some modesty as Lea stays there watching him, then looks away, looking everywhere but at him. “You’re not dressed either.”

Lea looks down and sure enough, he’s only in his sleeping shorts. Suddenly the room’s too warm for him, too, and he blushes, realizing where his hands are and pulling them away as quickly as possible.

“Oh. Shit. Sorry, I just-- sorry.”

“Is everything ok?” Roxas asks. He’s wrapping his comforter around himself to cover up, and Lea tries to cover himself by standing up and crossing his arms, but it doesn’t do much.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.” Lea lets out his breath, trying to force his heart rate to calm. “You’re ok? Not hurt at all?”

“Just awake,” Roxas remarks, and Lea laughs, despite himself.

“Yeah, sorry about that. It was stupid, I just overreacted. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

Roxas scoots back on the bed and pats the spot beside him. “You wanna talk about it? I mean, we’re both up already.”

“It’s nothing, just a bad dream. You can go back to bed,” Lea says, but he hesitates, still wanting to make sure for himself that Roxas really is ok, that it really was just a nightmare. Roxas must sense his hesitation because lifts the covers, inviting him in.

“Stay with me?” he asks. When he sees Lea’s resolve begin to waver, he adds, “please?”

Lea gives in and lays down beside him, conscious of the small space between them. He tries to leave as much room as possible to keep things from getting awkward--well, more awkward than they already are. Roxas just sighs and puts an arm around him to pull him closer, cuddling up against him like they’ve been doing this for ages.

And they have, sort of, if you consider hugging and sitting next to each other as often as possible to maintain contact ‘cuddling.’ They’ve been bonding and getting closer during their missions together, to the point where they might be considered ‘more than best friends.’ Since Roxas kissed him, they’ve been taking it slow, although Roxas seems to crave physical contact and Lea won’t say no to keeping his best friend by his side. Actually, Lea’s pretty sure they’ve gone beyond the best friend level-- frequently making out with the guy you hang out with at every opportunity usually means you’re dating them, right?

But they haven’t done anything this intimate before, and while Lea hesitates pushing too much, Roxas simply shifts in the narrow bed to make sure they’re both comfortable. It feels good to be this close, and Lea can feel his heart rate start to level out.

“You wanna tell me about it?” Roxas asks again, and his voice is heavy with sleep, but his eyes are alert enough that Lea’s pretty sure he’ll be awake for a while now. Lea tentatively puts his arms around Roxas and pulls him in closer, feeling the slow, steady heartbeat.

“I thought I’d lost you again,” Lea admits after a minute, tightening his grip around Roxas as he remembers the way the puppet base had disintegrated in his arms. Roxas returns the squeeze, his head resting against Lea’s chest.

“I’m here,” he says, and tilts his head so he can look Lea in the eye as he speaks. “I’m not going anywhere.” He presses a chaste kiss on Lea’s shoulder. “I promise.”

Lea sighs and runs fingers through Roxas’ hair. He _feels_ human, no hint that he started as a blank doll, but Lea can’t forget the feeling of it crumbling under his fingers, or the smell of burning electronics. He’d assumed that whatever magic and technology that brought Roxas to life would turn him fully human-- but now he’s not so sure.

As if he senses his thoughts, Roxas squirms until Lea loosens his hold. Roxas slides forward to close the gap between them, his fingers ghosting up the side of Lea’s face, cupping his cheeks while he uses his thumbs to smooth over worry lines. Roxas frowns when he realizes his fingers come away wet, then leans forward to lightly kiss away the tears.

Lea closes his eyes and forces himself to relax, willing the memory to fade, trying to focus on the here and now. Roxas is _here_. He’s in his arms, warm and tender with gentle touches that travel from his face to the back of his neck and down to his hips, pulling him close. Lea sinks into that touch, breathing in the light scent of jasmine as he presses a kiss against Roxas’ neck.

Roxas’ response is immediate, ducking his head to bring their lips together once, twice, three times before lingering, waiting for some response. Lea pulls him up higher still to deepen the kiss, opening his mouth while his hands slide to Roxas’ hips.

 _"Lea_.” Roxas gasps at the friction and half-closes his eyes, repeating the movement against Lea’s thigh. Lea can feel his body react as blood starts to head south, and he wonders if he should leave before things progress too far. But Roxas grinds against his thigh a third time, and this time Lea can feel an erection through the thin sleeping shorts. Apparently Roxas is having the same reaction, but he’s not embarrassed to let Lea feel it. Lea starts to pull away, trying to give him more space.

“ _Don’t_ ,” whispers Roxas, and for a moment Lea’s afraid that he’s somehow overstepped without meaning to, but Roxas just rolls onto him to pin him in place, and settles on his chest so they’re face to face. Lea opens his mouth and starts to ask him if he wants to stop, and Roxas cuts him off with another kiss.

Kissing is familiar, and some of Lea’s tension eases as Roxas kisses him in all the old familiar places. His heartbeat picks up again as Roxas starts to scoot back and he’s kissing new, never before explored patches of skin. Lea’s not sure where to put his hands, they haven’t done anything like this before and while he’s up for anything, he’s got a record for doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons, and he’s _not_ gonna do anything to hurt or upset his best friend.

“Is it ok if I…?” Lea trails off, fingers dipping below the waistband of his sleeping shorts but staying high enough above his hips to hopefully indicate that he’s willing to stop if that’s what Roxas wants.

Instead of replying, Roxas lifts his hips and helps Lea slide the fabric down and off, then settles back down beside him. There’s only the thin cloth barrier of Lea’s boxers between them, but Lea’s attention is on Roxas and the feel of him as he rubs against Lea’s thigh again. Lea moves a hand from Roxas’ hip and catches his length before closing around it in a loose fist. Roxas whimpers into Lea’s shoulder and thrusts against Lea’s palm, panting a little.

It’s a little rough-- Lea knows (possibly from experience although he’ll never admit to it) that without anything to smooth the way there’ll be chafing, and that won’t be fun for either of them.

“Do you have anything?” Lea asks, wondering if they can sneak back to his room without anyone noticing. Roxas pushes against him once more before pulling away.

“One sec.” He reaches over the side of the bed and slips his hand between the mattress and the frame, then extracts a bottle of lube. He hands it to Lea with a blush, and mumbles, “Sora gave it to me.”

Lea grins at that, wishing he’d been a fly on the wall when _that_ conversation had taken place, and makes a mental note to ask later because he knows the story behind it has got to be good. But he’d rather tease Roxas in _other_ ways right now, so he bites his tongue and squirts some out before taking Roxas in hand again.

Roxas shudders at the cold touch and curls against Lea, probably in an effort to soak up whatever heat he can. Lea wraps his other arm around Roxas to pull him closer as he increases his speed and tightens his grip, eliciting another quiet gasp. The lube starts to warm with the friction, and Lea alters his movements, sliding Roxas between two knuckles before rubbing a thumb over his crown.

There’s a sharp and sudden pain in his shoulder as Roxas bites down to muffle a moan, but Lea can feel Roxas’ muscles begin to tighten. He’s close, he can recognize the signs, and he grins against the top of Roxas’ head. He has experience in _that_ , too, and while he generally uses a pillow to muffle any sounds, he’s happy enough to help Roxas stay quiet.

That said, the next time they have some real privacy he’s going to do his best to get Roxas making as much noise as possible.

His thumb is still rubbing the tip of Roxas’ cock in long, steady strokes with just enough pressure that Roxas closes his eyes and presses his face into Lea’s shoulder, his breath coming in hard pants. Roxas is clinging to him now, fingers digging into his arms to hold on while one of his legs has hitched up over Lea’s thigh, and his thrusts are becoming getting more erratic.

Lea’s other hand dips between Roxas’ legs and strokes the skin behind his balls, pressing up to find that sweet spot. He’s rewarded with a startled “Ahh!” as Roxas stiffens in his embrace as he comes, and he kisses Roxas’ forehead as he trembles through the orgasm.

They lay there for a few minutes, Roxas lays panting in his arms, skin warm and flushed pink. Lea holds him close and tries not to compare the feeling to the Roxas he held in his dreams. Roxas is ok. Hell, judging by the blissful look on his face, Roxas is _great._

“Welcome back,” Lea laughs when Roxas finally opens his eyes and looks up at him. “I know you’re probably not quite up to moving yet, but we should clean up and change your sheets when you're good.”

“But, I mean, you didn’t--” Roxas starts, but Lea cuts him off with another gentle kiss.

“It’s ok,” he promises, and he means it. He’s still hard and Roxas grinding into his hand didn't do anything to allay that, but it means more to him to have Roxas here, safe in his arms. He still remembers the nightmare but it doesn’t feel quite as real when he’s got Roxas warm and pliant beside him.

“Next time,” Roxas says, and Lea laughs again because Roxas’ tone brokers no room for discussion. That, and the fact that he _wants_ there to be a next time is music to Lea's ears.

“Next time,” Lea agrees. He waggles his eyebrows and grins. “In the meantime… do you have tissues or something in that space behind your headboard?”

Roxas’s blush deepens, but he reaches down and wordlessly hands Lea a towel. Lea cleans them up without teasing any further, although there’s still a bit of mess on the bed. He gestures down.

“You keep extra sheets in here for emergencies?” and Roxas shakes his head, biting his lip. Lea reaches over to the end of the bed and hands Roxas his sleeping shorts. “Do you care if people know that we… y’know?” he asks, and Roxas frowns.

“Why would I?” he says as he pulls the shorts back on. “Sora and Riku can hardly say anything about us doing stuff, and I think Kairi would be happy for us.”

“True,” Lea says, then rolls to his feet, pulling Roxas with him. “So, let’s scandalize everyone and just come to my room. My bed’s bigger and more comfortable anyway.”

Roxas grins and grabs a shirt from his floor, pulling it over his head before linking his hand in Lea’s.

“Better watch out, if it is I may never leave,” he whispers as they head into the hallway and head for Lea’s room. Lea gives his hand a quick squeeze.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that some people might not be familiar with what a memory leak is.  
> In quick and dirty layman's terms, it means that a program uses up more memory and processing power than it's supposed to, which can lead to the device locking up when it runs out of computing space. For this fic's example, I've taken it a step further where this prolonged leak leads to physical damage to the hardware.  
> In short, memory leaks are bad.
> 
> Fun things to think about when Sora goes to download Roxas in KH3, right? :D
> 
> Anyway, stay tuned for the exciting conclusion, coming soon!


	10. Data: Become Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a nice holiday! Slight change of plans; I've rewritten this chapter a couple of times now, so often that we're to the point where there's now going to be a short epilogue. Huzzah!

_A few months later..._

The inside of Lea’s gummi ship is small, only built to carry one person at a time. _Cozy_ , Lea likes to say. On days that Roxas is feeling less than charitable, he calls it cramped, although it’s comforting in its Lea-ness. Most of the storage bays have sweets of some sort hidden away as “backup rations,” and there are scorch marks on the interior panels with origins Lea refuses to discuss. It smells like leather and cinnamon, and there’s barely enough room for Roxas to curl up beside Lea as he pilots the ship. Still, it manages to get the job done as they speed through the space between worlds, eating up the miles.

“I won’t let anything happen,” Lea murmurs for the umpteenth time. He’s got one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the guns, but somehow he still finds a way to reach down every so often to touch Roxas and reassure himself that yes, he’s still there. “I’m gonna keep you safe,” he says, but whether it’s to Roxas or to himself is anyone’s guess.

Roxas has lost count of how many times he’s said that now; he hasn’t been able to focus on much of anything since Ienzo asked him to climb into the pod for reformatting, and was only dimly aware when Lea slugged the young scientist full in the face before grabbing Roxas and hightailing it out of there.

They’ve been flying for what feels like days although Roxas knows that Lea’s ship isn’t really equipped for extremely long flights. It’s probably that it just _feels_ like it’s been forever because he’s been going over Ienzo’s words over and over, but they still don’t make any sense.

_“If you just hop into the pod, we can begin the reformatting process --”_

Lea had punched him at that point so Ienzo didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, but Roxas has been hanging around with the computer nerds long enough to get a gist of what he was probably going to say. _Reformatting_ meant reinstalling with a clean copy. _Reinstalling_ meant writing over what was already installed to replace it with something new. Everything his heart and mind had ‘saved’ since that first imaging-- all of his memories, his emotions, his entire last year of experiences would be wiped clean, and he’d be back to the way he was when he first woke up.

_“We’ve determined a way to extract the files necessary to rebuild Xion. However, the process will require your full cooperation.”_

They wanted him to give up his existence for someone else. Again.

Little wonder that Lea had punched him.

But while the first part of Lea’s plan worked remarkably well -- _Get the ship and run away before they catch us_ \-- Lea hasn’t talked about the second half of the plan, and they’re moving at such a breakneck speed that Roxas doesn’t dare distract him. Lea will tell him when he’s calmed down, or when they get to wherever it is they’re going. In the meantime, Roxas is left with the cold comfort of knowing that at least _one_ person wants him staying just the way he is.

Communication links have been shut down and the monitors only show the road ahead, but Roxas is sure that the others have heard about their defection by this point. Sora has probably been calling him and trying to get in touch, but Roxas left his phone at the train station-- just another thing they can track, after all, and Roxas doesn’t really want to talk to any of them anyway. He doesn’t need to hear what they have to say-- doesn’t _want_ to hear their justifications.

Just when he finally felt like he was starting to belong, he’s reminded that everyone else still considers him as expendable. It’s just like being back in the Organization all over again, except Xemnas and Saix had the courtesy to try killing him behind his back. But Ienzo works with everyone else’s blessing, which means they’re all willing to chance his life on the off-chance it will succeed.

He presses his face further into Lea’s side and sighs, and he gets rewarded with another affectionate head rub. That helps. _Not everyone_.

Lea’s lost a bit of the wild look to his eyes when they finally touch down in a forested world, the woods full of old growth trees and little vegetation below. It makes for easy walking, but Lea keeps a constant bit of contact with Roxas as they grab their gear and head off into the unknown. Lea still hasn’t say anything about where they’re going, or why they’re here. Roxas doesn’t think this is a place they’ve visited together, but Lea’s steps are confident so Roxas trusts him to lead the way.

That said, he still doesn’t appreciate being left in the dark.

“What’s going _on_?”

The words feel familiar and he’s pretty sure there’s a lost memory associated with it, but Roxas is too concerned about the here and now to worry about the past. Lea falters, though, and Roxas watches the emotions play across his face before he looks to the sky, sighs, then pinches the bridge of his nose before replying.

“You’re right, I need to stop trying to haul you off to places without telling you stuff. Didn’t work last time, and look where it got us,” Lea gives a bitter laugh, and while Roxas isn’t really sure what he’s referring to, he can guess. He closes the gap between them to hug Lea.

“You were trying to save me last time, right? And this time, too. I trust you,” he promises, and Lea slouches a little in relief. “It would just help if I knew what you had planned so I can follow your lead.”

“Riku brought me here to teach me a lesson,” Lea says, pauses, then shakes his head. “No, that’s not the best way to explain. There’s this kid here, he’s special. Looks and acts like a normal human, but he started out like you.”

“A nobody?” Roxas asks.

Lea starts to reply, thinks the better of it, and chooses his words carefully before explaining. “Inorganic. Or rather, unanimated? I don’t honestly know how it worked, that’s why we’re here. I wanna find out how a puppet made of wood became a ‘real boy,’ because the whole ‘wishing on a star’ thing never worked for me.”

Roxas shifts in Lea’s arms to get a better look up at him. “You’ve wished on stars?”

“You’re my best friend,” Lea says without hesitation, and gives him an affectionate peck on the forehead. “I love you, so I’m gonna do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

There’s a little part of Roxas’ heart that does this stupid fluttery thing whenever Lea says ‘I love you.’ It’s an embarrassing and wonderful warmth that floods through him at the thought that of all the people he’s met and all the places he’s been, Lea chooses to stay with _him_ , no matter what. But there’s also a bit of guilt, too.

“What about Xion?”

Lea’s arms tighten around him.

“We’ll figure out how to help her later,” he promises. “But not if it means putting you in danger. I’m not gonna lose you again.”

\---

He can’t sleep.

They’ve camped out under the stars loads of times before, but tonight he just can’t get comfortable. If he was back at the mansion he’d slip into the common room to turn on a movie or something, but without a phone there’s not much he can do. He could sit up and try to read, of course, but he doesn’t want to wake Lea now that he’s finally managed to drift off.

He just can’t get the memory out of his head-- Ienzo, all smiles and warmth as he and Lea followed him into the basement labs.

_“Sora said you’d had a breakthrough and needed us to come right away,” Roxas had said, sitting down in the chair as Ienzo pulled up his research on the large console. Lea stood to the side and out of the way, arms crossed, leaning against one of the empty pods._

_“We’ve determined a way to extract the files necessary to rebuild Xion. However, the process will require your full cooperation.”_

_“Sure, whatever I can do, although I don’t really know how many memories of her are left. I don’t remember much.”_

_“That’s of no consequence. I’ve been working with Tron to sort through the parts of the Digital Twilight Town’s data we can still access and the backup storage of your memory files,” Ienzo had said. “And we’ve been compiling quite a lot of bits and pieces with all our tests, but we haven’t come up with any fully complete files yet, just fragments, and most of those have been collected through you when we run system checks.”_

_Ienzo was clearly proud of the work they’d been doing, although it felt a little weird to Roxas to think about what data the scientist and the computer had been collecting when he checked in with them. They were looking into the past for memories of Xion, he knew that, but he still worried that they might’ve been snooping into what he was up to now. Not that he had anything to hide, of course, but his life is his own, and he preferred to keep it that way._

_As Ienzo talked about processes for compiling the data, Tron brought up an image from the work they’d pieced together. Roxas recognized it immediately, and leaned in to get a closer look. Everything was right where he remembered seeing it, right down to the giant anchor and fish pillows. His room, in all its messy glory._

_And while it was wild to see his old bedroom again, he was also surprised to realize that seeing something from his digital life didn’t elicit the same pangs of sorrow he used to get in those early days. The room he shared with Lea had become ‘home,’ the mansion, his new friends-- they didn’t replace what he’d left behind, but they reminded him that he had a place to belong, a future with endless possibilities and loved ones who would be there beside him. It must’ve shown on his face, because Lea gave his hand a squeeze and smiled at him before he turned back to Ienzo._

_“So what does that mean, exactly?” he asked. “Why do you need Roxas, can’t you just… let the computer do its thing?”_

_“Roxas is the key-- the original data Roxas, that is,” Ienzo said. He tapped on his clipboard with his pencil, then gestured to the computer. “We have the data, but all efforts to compile it into a complete file have failed. We need something to process the information, and Roxas’ base form has been the only successful integration of this data. We’ve collected additional memories that we can attempt to patch in before saving it to the database itself. It will be fine, but we’ll make a backup just in case. So Roxas, if you would just--”_

_“Just hold on a second,” Lea interrupted, putting an arm in front of Roxas to hold him back. “‘Attempt to patch’? You’re going to feed the data through Roxas before putting it back into the system? That’s too much! You could hurt him, damage the core doll’s integrity!”_

_Lea hadn’t told Roxas everything about his nightmares, but the memory leak is a recurring theme. Roxas always felt weird and sort of out of it after Ienzo and Tron’s check ups, so he didn’t relish the thought of being connected to the computer for any longer than necessary. But he would if it meant it would help the others. He got a second chance at living, so didn’t Xion deserve it, too?_

_“All simulations indicate that any injuries from this would be minimal and well within acceptable parameters,” Ienzo replied, and while Roxas appreciated that they’d taken that info consideration, he also wondered what ‘minimal injuries within acceptable parameters’ involved._

_Before he could say anything, though, Lea stepped directly between Ienzo and Roxas, shielding him from view. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who didn’t like the sound of that._

_“How many times have you already tried this using the leftover forms?” he asked, and Ienzo stiffened._

_“Those were completely different circumstances--”_

_“_ **_How many?_ ** _” Lea demanded, and it was Tron who appeared on the screen to reply._

_“We only had five base models to test this approach, and while they failed, I’ve run over three thousand simulations with favorable results.” He pulls up a diagram, showing several more blanks in various stages of completion. “Additional units have been requested and are currently under development in the Radiant Gardens labs under the supervision of Doctor Even, however, it will be some time before these units are complete.”_

_“Roxas will be fine,” Ienzo assured them, then moved around Lea to put a hand on Roxas’ shoulder, guiding him towards the open machine. “If you just hop into the pod, we can begin the reformatting process --”_

Roxas sighs and turns again, which is why he notices the pale glue glow outside of the tent. They haven’t seen anything in this world that would suggest that there are heartless about or anything to indicate that there’s anyone performing magic, but after their day nothing seems out of the realm of possibility, and he doubts it’s a coincidence.

Should he wake Lea? He looks back at the sleeping bag. Even in the tent’s dim lighting he can make out the dark circles under Lea’s eyes. He pushed himself making the trip all by himself without breaks, and even though he hasn’t complained, he clearly reached his limit. Roxas decides that he’ll let him sleep. If he needs help, he can call out and Lea will answer. He summons his keyblade to investigate, then steps out into their camp.

The strange glow is emanating from the tall woman standing at the edge of the clearing. She’s wearing a long blue dress that’s completely impractical for trekking about in the woods, but he thinks that the translucent wings behind her mean that she doesn’t have to resort to the usual travel methods. She smiles at him as he steps out of the tent, glowing wand held at rest in her hands.

“Who are you?” he asks, not wanting to be rude, but thinking that if Lea was expecting company he would’ve said something.

She doesn’t seem to mind his curt question; she simply laughs, a rich titter that would sound mocking if it came from anyone else, but for some reason, her presence puts him at ease. Of course, the fact that he can feel himself relaxing just by looking at her puts him on his guard, but he dismisses his keyblade all the same.

“I am the Blue Fairy,” she says, stating the obvious. He bites back a sarcastic comment about getting clued in by the wings and waits; for all her sweet demeanor, he has a feeling that it would be a bad idea to antagonize her. “I answer the call of those who wish upon a star.”

There’s a lot to unpack from that statement, but his immediate response is “You’re here to answer Lea’s wish?” then, “Wait, you’re from a star? Do you have a gummi ship, too?”

“Not quite,” she replies, and there’s definitely some amusement in her tone. “I understand that you came here to speak to me.”

“Lea mentioned something about a little boy,” Roxas says, sitting down on one of the rocks and trying to make sense of everything. He doesn’t think she’s a threat but he still wants something to keep his hands occupied so he picks up a stick and pokes at the embers of their fire. “No offense, but he didn’t mention anything about… someone like you.”

“He has a good heart,” she says, and smiles in the direction of the tent. “And he loves you very much, and has made many wishes upon stars, but it is you I came to see. Tell me, Roxas, do you know what it is your heart truly desires?”

His first thought is _Lea_ , but that’s stupid because he already knows that Lea loves him as much as he loves him back, so it can’t be that simple. She said she answered wishes from stars,but she came here to see him and not Lea, and she wouldn’t come all this way to tell him he already has everything he’s ever wanted, would she? So there must be something else, and he thinks for a moment before answering.

“Can you make me a real person?” he asks, and her placid smile fractures into a slight frown for the briefest moments before falling back in place.

He wonders if she’ll give him a lecture about asking for things that are impractical, but Lea mentioned a puppet turned human on this world, and she said they came here looking for her, so she must’ve been the one who’d made it happen. How, he doesn’t know, but the more he thinks about it, the more sure he is.

But she doesn’t chide him for overstepping implied offers, she doesn’t even seem that surprised. The patient smile is back in place, as though she’s waiting for him to come to some sort of conclusion-- probably about how stupid his question was.

“What makes a person real?” she asks instead. “What makes you so different than your friends?”

He’s thrown for a moment, wondering if he’s made a mistake before he gestures down at himself.

“I’m a puppet,” he explains, realizing she might not recognize the advanced technology when she’d worked with a wooden doll before. “I look real, but I was created with magic and technology. My body is just another machine, easy to overwrite and dispose of. I want to be real so that can’t happen. I don’t want to disappear again.”

He doesn’t mean to sound bitter about it, but he can still see the open pod waiting for him, and hear the whir of the machine preparing to mess with his mind and heart. He remembers Ienzo’s excited chatter about using him as a conduit for an experiment that will only work in theory, and his stomach clenches to the point where he feels sick.

The Blue Fairy seems to have picked up on his discomfort and unhappiness, but she doesn’t remark on it.

“You came here of your own free will,” she says, not unkindly. “You followed your heart-- a puppet must follow the pull of other’s desires. It was Pinocchio’s love for his father and giving up his life in exchange for his own that allowed the magic to turn him from wood into flesh.”

He stares at her, hard, and the peace he felt a moment before breaks as fury rises in his heart. He sucks in a breath and hurls his stick into the fire.

“I gave up _everything_ for Sora,” he says through tears. “I know she did too. I _know_ she deserves a chance to live, I _know._ But why does everyone seem to think I’m not worth saving?”

He stiffens at her touch, but it’s the briefest of contacts, just a few fingers to tilt his head up to look at her. She smiles, not unkindly, which only makes it hurt more.

“Do you truly believe that everyone feels that way?” she asks, and while she’s looking at him, he knows that she’s thinking of the sleeping figure in the tent across the fire.

“Lea loves me,” Roxas says without hesitation. “He brought me out here so we wouldn’t be separated again.”

“But your other friends, you think they would not care about what happens to you?” she asks, pressing him. “You think Sora feels this way?”

“He doesn’t _have_ to,” he replies, and he stares at his hands in his lap, clenching them into fists. “Sora already said they’d do anything to get Xion back. Even if that means dismantling _me_. Ienzo said they’d make a backup, but… I’m _already_ a backup of a backup. And how do they know it will work? What if something happens and I don’t…. If I’m not….”

He trails off, unwilling to admit that he’s scared. He can feel the tears pricking the back of his eyes again so he rubs a sleeve across them to make sure nothing escapes. She’s quiet for a long time, long enough that he’d think she’d left, except her unearthly blue glow still fills the campsite and he can the aura of calm and peace her presence exudes.

“Sora made a wish on a star tonight,” she says at last, and he looks up, surprised. She’s smiling at him as though he hadn’t been shouting at her a moment ago, and her expression gentles when she catches his eye. “Can you guess what he wished for?”

“He probably wished I would give up and come back already,” Roxas starts, but she holds up her hand to stop him and shakes her head.

“He wished for you to be safe, and that you would return home soon,” she says, and laughs at his skeptical expression, not unkindly. “He’s worried about you.”

“Sora worries about everyone,” Roxas says almost as a reflex, but something inside him loosens a little. Trust Sora to do something stupid like wish on a star. Then again, considering that wish was heard, if not answered, maybe it’s not so stupid after all.

“Perhaps,” she agrees, and for a moment Roxas wonders if Sora’s ever met this strange woman before. He’s been all over the place, after all, and seeing a wish-granting fairy isn’t that much different than meeting the three good fairies who visit Yen Sid’s tower from time to time. But she doesn’t want to talk about Sora, not really.

“You’ve been through so much, given so much to get where you are. You love and are loved in return.” She’s smiling so much that it seems like her glow has intensified, filling the campsite with her light. “You hardly need my assistance,” she says.

“But… you won’t help me become human?” He stumbles to his feet but she doesn’t react. He’s not sure what to do-- if she won’t help him, where will they go next? What else can they try? Lea will keep him safe for as long as possible, but they can’t keep running forever.

“Your heart is strong,” she says, avoiding or ignoring his question. “I cannot do more than what you have already done.”

“A lot of good my strong heart will do if I go into the machine and all of my data is overwritten." He doesn’t mean to sound ungrateful, not really, but they’ve been putting all of their hope on what they’d find here. If she can’t turn him human, he has no idea where else they can go. Then--- “What I’ve already done?”

“You are a child born of metal and magic,” she explains, voice patient. “The magic that gave you life was not unlike my own, and with it, you managed to rebuild your heart, stronger than before. The spell finished its work long ago, in no small part because of your love for your friends, and their love in return. You are you, and your heart is your own.”

It...makes sense. It can’t be that simple, that the process used to download him into the original puppet kept going until he was really _real_ , but at the same time, there’s no reason to doubt her word, no logistical reason to explain why it wouldn’t do exactly what it was intended to do-- make him Roxas. He doesn’t _feel_ any more “real” than before, but then again, his previous experiences of existence were as a Nobody and as raw data, so he doesn’t have any solid comparisons to analyze.

It’s anticlimactic to say the least, but his heart-- his _really real heart_ \-- has started to beat more rapidly as he thinks more about it. He’s going to be ok-- would have been the entire time, because the program was designed to write over a blank copy and not anything that has a heart. He’s not sure how that will affect the experiment, however. Did Ienzo and Tron and the others already know? If they had, why hadn’t they said anything? Come to think of it...

“But….. if you already knew that the magic had already worked, why are you here?” he asks.

“You seemed so lost, I wanted to speak with you before you wandered further afield,” she says. She looks up at the stars and he follows suit, thinking about all of the worlds they've passed in their reckless journey out here. How much farther they might've gone, if she hadn't stopped them here. “You should get some rest," she advises, and Roxas can hear the verbal shooing in her tone. "You have much to look forward to, I think. I hope you will think upon what I’ve said.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, then realizes that if she’s as powerful as she says she is, then it's probably in his best interest to be polite. “Yes, um, thank you, ma'am.”

“Take heart and believe in yourself,” she advises, and walks towards him, all flowing grace. She’s shining so brightly now that he’s forced to close his eyes as she approaches. He feels a light flutter of air that stirs his bangs, a press of warm lips to his forehead, and then he’s alone in the dark.

There’s a ring of glowing mushrooms circling their camp that wasn’t there earlier, but they’re losing their color as he watches. Still, it’s not the complete darkness of the deep woods-- through breaks in the trees he can see the stars shining bright overhead. A large blue star seems to twinkle as he looks at it, and he stares at it a moment before closing his eyes and making a wish.

Lea doesn’t stir when he slips back into the tent and into the sleeping roll. He shifts a little to let Roxas snuggle up closer, but apart from putting an arm around him and drawing him closer, there’s no response. Roxas burrows into him and quickly falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three notes!  
> 1\. I rewrote almost all of this because the original ending was sort of vague about whether or not he's actual "real", and left the story on a "Roxas knows what he's going to do" without actually mentioning his choice. However, because I'm not really sure of the outcome of KH3, I can't write an unhappy/vague post ending for them, so I added more with the Blue Fairy and made it clear that yes, Roxas became real a long time ago--probably around the time of the trashcan incident, haha.
> 
> 2\. This chapter highly inspired by the last scene in the movie “A.I.: Artificial Intelligence.” If you haven’t seen it before, I HIGHLY recommend it-- it even has baby Sora in it!
> 
> 3\. I'm basing this on the idea that the magic involved in imprinting memories onto puppets is similar to what the Blue Fairy did-- the puppet is responsible for growing the heart that allows them to become truly "real." Xion is, as always, the exception to this, but that's because she was formatted as a sponge, absorbing as many memories of Sora as possible so that she could BECOME Sora, while the gang always intended Roxas to be Roxas. Think of it as a disc finalization vs read/rewrite abilities when you're burning a CD. (That also ties in nicely to the "You wouldn't download a boy" meme. :p)
> 
> ANYWAY, the epilogue is coming soon! I'm going to MAGfest this weekend but should be able to finish it up and post it by end of next week. :)


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, thanks for reading my accidental oneshot-turned-50k series #1! Thank you for sticking with me until the end! <3

Since they’re not going breakneck speeds, the trip back to Twilight Town takes almost a full day. At the more leisurely pace they’re able to talk more about the strange visit in the night, and while Lea finds it hard to believe that he slept through all of it, he’s willing to give Roxas the benefit of doubt. Roxas can tell he’s still not completely sure about everything (and to be honest, neither is he), but Lea only asks “Are you sure you want to go back?” twice-- once before they take off, and then again before they make their descent into town.

The gummi ship touches down and Roxas takes a deep breath, squeezes Lea’s hand for a quick bit of reassurance, then walks down the short ladder and onto the sun warmed pavement of Twilight Town. Sora has him in a tight hug before he’s taken two more steps, and Roxas pats his back, not really sure how to respond. They’ve only been gone two days after all, and even though they weren’t in radio contact, it still doesn’t warrant this kind of response.

“Sora…?” Roxas asks when it’s apparent that he’s not getting released anytime soon. Sora just hugs him harder.

“Don’t do that again,” comes the muffled response.

“He was worried,” Riku says from a few feet away, and Roxas just gives him a look over Sora's shoulder. Riku shrugs. “I told him you'd be back whenever you sorted yourself out. Or when you ran out of ice cream.”

Roxas feels the twinge of that old resentful irritation towards Riku, a reflex that still flares up from time to time. But Riku’s apologized many times over, and Roxas has to grudgingly admit that he’s a decent guy. Perfect for Sora, anyway, who tends to get over dramatic about a lot of things.

He sighs, then looks down at the top of Sora’s head. “If I promise not to leave without my phone again, will you let me go?”

Sora let's go when Lea closes up the ship and clears his throat, then pulls away to glare at both of them. “Seriously, you guys. Maybe stop and ask for clarification before assuming the worst, Lea.”

Lea pauses as he unloads the stuff he’d shoved into the storage bay, dropping the duffle bag to the ground. “Me? Why am _I_ the one getting yelled at?”

“You punched Ienzo and kidnapped Roxas!”

“Kidnapped only works if I didn’t go willingly,” Roxas interrupts before Lea can say anything they’ll all regret later. “And we came back, didn’t we?”

“I’m not apologizing,” Lea cuts in. “I still remember how things went down in Castle Oblivion, even if _you_ don’t.”

Lea doesn’t elaborate on that despite Sora’s complaints, and they bicker back and forth as they head back towards the mansion. Sora and Riku wait in the hall while they store their gear back in their room, then the four of them head down to the basement labs. Lea’s beside him each step of the way, but it’s Sora’s presence that puts him at ease. Not because he thinks Sora will put a stop to anything that seems risky-- he can extract himself from those situations, thanks-- Sora just has that effect on people.

And Riku’s there, too, but whether or not that’s a good thing is up for debate.

It’s the first time in Roxas’ memory Ienzo’s hair has been parted to the other side of his face. The effect is wilder than usual and oddly offsetting to see, but Roxas can glimpse the light bruising around the hidden eye, and no one mentions anything amiss. Ienzo cooly welcomes them back to the lab and asks Roxas to take a seat while he gets things ready again, but Sora gives him the thumbs up, and even though he rolls his eyes at it, it does make him feel a little better.

Once Ienzo has started up the programs for whatever this process will be, he grabs a clipboard and pen, then spins his chair to look directly at Roxas.

“Before we begin, I would like to gather a few notes so I can better understand the results.” He doesn’t sound angry, if anything he sounds intrigued. “Your initial reaction to this test was unpredicted, as all previous tests have been routine. You have had Lea present for previous data collection sessions. What changed?” He clicks his pen open and holds it poised over his paper.

Roxas shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

“You mentioned ‘reformatting’ and I got nervous,” he admits. “I didn’t want to go back to the way things were the first day I woke up and have to relearn everything and get to know everyone again.”

Ienzo makes a note in his research then asks as he writes, “And something happened during the 38 hours between your departure and return to Twilight Town?”

“Yes.” Ienzo looks up at him, expecting more information to add to his notes, but he’s not about to talk about his visitation in the night. For one thing, it’ll sound stupid that a glowing blue fairy showed up and told him he was a real person, and for another, well… it just seems too intimate to write down as just another memo in a research paper.

“Further reflection on the possible outcomes of the reformatting process overcame the fear that my newly rebuilt identity would be erased,” he says, trying to emulate Ienzo’s sometimes slightly pretentious speech.

Ienzo blinks at him.

“The reformatting process-- reformatting the drive where we are storing all of the memories,” he says slowly, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world and Roxas and Lea are stupid for not understanding what he said from the start. Sora sighs.

“Can you explain the process so they understand what you mean?” he asks. “It sounds like last time you sort of skipped that part and it’s kind of a big deal. It also gives things a much different perspective.”

Ienzo frowns, but whether it’s because of the request or because he’s not sure how to explain it to non-scientific people is anyone’s guess. He taps his pen against his lips for a few beats before he sighs, spins in his chair, and brings up a folder that contains scanned documents from Namine’s sketchbook. Roxas can tell right away that they’re out of order, but he’s not sure how important that is.

“Think of it as a quick body scan to check and see how your memories are stored,” Ienzo says as he clicks through the images, “And then using that as a blueprint for the disk defragmentation and data compiling process--- hm, that is to say, we are using your memory scan to determine the order of memories and then sort them into the proper order before rebuilding them again. We’re simply looking for shared memories across everyone’s data files so we can build a more complete model.”

“Everyone’s?” Roxas asks, and Ienzo tabs over to show him a directory filled with files that are all marked as specific to a certain person. Everyone who ever had contact with Xion, he realizes, and Ienzo nods.

“Due to the nature of her… Because you received the bulk of her memories when she faded and you then passed it on to Sora, you both have the most data to work with. Sora’s already done his scan, we just want to cross-check with yours.”

“And the backup?” Lea interrupts, and Roxa is glad, because he’d forgotten about Ienzo’s promise that everything would be fine because they were making failsafes.

“Of your memories, just so we don’t have to ask you to go in the pod again,” Ienzo explains with a sigh. He’s clearly not sure why they have so many questions, but he’s making an effort to make the process seem less impersonal. “I’ve also adjusted the machine levels so that the tank fluid is warmer now.”

Roxas eyes the pod, and while he’s pretty sure that it really will be as painless and easy as everyone promises, he also remembers how cold he was that first day, how it had taken him weeks to get warm.

“You don’t have to,” Sora says as though he senses Roxas’ hesitation. “We can work with what we already have if you don’t feel comfortable going back in. We’d all understand.”

“I know.”

Roxas takes off his jacket and hands it to Sora, then takes a fortifying breath before walking up and into the pod. He experiences a moment of panic as the machine whirs to life around him, and he hesitates, trying not to think of what might happen.

“We can still ditch this place and jet if you want.”

Lea's voice cuts through the white fuzz of fear and Roxas focuses on him. Lea is completely serious, and Roxas laughs, knowing Lea would take on both Ienzo, Sora, and Riku if he asked. He shakes his head, stepping completely inside.

Roxas keeps his eyes focused on Lea as the pod closes around him, and Lea's presence helps him quell the uneasiness as liquid fills the capsule. It's not so much fluid as it is heavy, moist air-- he can still breathe, after all-- but the first breath tastes oddly of rosewater, and he's wondering if Ienzo added something in an attempt to make it less unsettling than it already is when there's a bright flash, and the machine kicks into high gear.

“Just stand still,” Ienzo's voice filters through, but if he says anything else it's lost behind the clank and whir of the pod’s inner workings.

Roxas watches Lea until the whine of machinery gets to be too much and he's forced to close his eyes. He can see flashes of memories and faces from his time in the Organization, taste the icing on the cake and feel the warmth of sunsets on skin. He feels laughter and sorrow, fear and hope, and above all, the desire to _live._

Then Lea is patting his hair dry and asking him something. Roxas can't quite make out what it is, but he can hear the tension. He puts a hand over Lea's to let him know he's ok, then looks for Ienzo.

“You got what you need?” he asks, but the scientist is too busy at the computer to respond.

Lea helps him sit up, but keeps a protective arm around him, holding him against his chest. Roxas leans into the heat, making a mental note to tell Ienzo that heating the fluid only made it colder to come out, but he’s more overcome with the overwhelming sense of deja vu and being held just like this long ago, under similar conditions. He burrows in deeper, glad to know that this time, it will be different.

Ienzo shifts to one of the other computer stations and resumes his rapid typing, but Roxas now has an unobscured view of the monitor. There’s the shape of a girl there, and a rapidly growing progress bar as files from the collected folders open, flash across the screen, then minimize into the figure. It’s fast, and while he doesn’t recognize all of the memories, he can feel that they’re much more orderly now, slipping together as though they were meant to be played as one piece.

Tron is there, too, feeding Ienzo information about the status of possibly corrupted files and updating the logs, capturing images of the progress as a backup so they don’t lose everything if something should happen. The progress bar is accelerating rapidly, and Roxas can’t help but wonder if this is what it was like for _his_ “birth.”

Sora and Riku are sitting in chairs on the other side of the room to stay out of the way, but Sora’s got his phone out and they’re speaking quietly with someone on the other end. Probably Kairi, since she’s over at Disney Castle for training with Queen Minnie, but Roxas can’t make out what they’re saying, and it’s probably not that big a deal.

“You feeling ok?” Lea asks, and he nods. He’s not going to move, not when he’s got the best seat in the house, and he says as much, making Lea laugh. “You can stay as long as you want.”

And he does. They sit there waiting for the progress bar to finish, waiting to see what will happen when it does. There’s no puppet form ready for imprinting, no vessel to take on the collected memories of a reconstructed heart. For a moment, Roxas wonders if maybe he should’ve asked the Blue Fairy to have helped Xion, but somehow he still has the feeling that everything will be ok. He doesn’t know _how,_ just that it will.

The first sign that things are happening is Tron appearing on the screen, holding a small stack of what seem to be bits of fragmented paper in a clear bag. He shakes it and there’s a flash of static and a face, a sound, and then back to static, and Tron places the bag on the desktop, then disappears. Ienzo makes a note and then rolls back in front of the other computer again, blocking Roxas’ view.

He gets up, dragging Lea with him, and they find a place where they can watch the last of the progress bar load, the last few digits updating at a fraction of their former speed. Ienzo makes a quiet noise as they approach but doesn’t stop his typing.

“I’ll need you to review those files when you have a chance,” he says, nodding at the bag icon Tron left behind, “But all systems indicate that we should have enough to attempt an execution.”

Roxas opens his mouth to protest, but then Riku’s got his hand on his shoulder, and Sora’s there too.

“You mean you’re going to execute the code to make the program run,” Riku clarifies, and Ienzo pauses briefly, looking up at him.

“Yes…?”

Roxas relaxes, wishing Ienzo would drop the computer lingo and scientific stuff once in a while, but he doesn’t have long to dwell on it because Ienzo goes ahead and types in a few more lines of code, pushes a button, then sits back in his seat to grab his clipboard and take notes on what happens next.

The screen is dark. The shape of her still hangs in the upper-left monitor, the progress bar frozen at about 97%, but the main screen doesn’t show anything-- not the digital Twilight Town, not any of his collected memories, nothing. Roxas wonders if something’s gone wrong, if they went through everything just to fail at the moment of action, and then… just like that Roxas remembers her, remembers his other best friend, remembers all of the good times and the bad.

He waits for her to appear on the screen, but it stays black. The computer is making ‘shutting down’ noises and there’s no sign of any further activity-- even Tron seems to be calling it a night. He turns to look at Ienzo, still busy at his clipboard, and reaches over to take the pen when it’s clear the scientist is too focused on his work to notice anything else.

“Where is she?” he asks when Ienzo finally looks up. Ienzo frowns, looks at the computer, then back at Roxas.

“We don’t have a base form prepared,” he explains, exasperated, and makes a grab for the pen.

“Yeah, but…” Roxas gestures hopelessly, trying to figure out what to ask. “What happened? Did it work?”

“You remember her, don’t you?” Ienzo asks, then sighs when he sees Roxas’ sour expression. “We won’t know that until we install the impression, but all signs indicate a high probability of success,” he explains. “The fact that we all remember her is a good indication that the process worked. When we get the delivery from Even, we’ll try completing the installation.”

“Isn’t there, like, a visual or anything?” Sora pipes up for the first time, and Roxas turns to see him staring at the screen too. He feels a bit better, know he’s not the _only_ one who’d expected more.

“It’s probably something like what we did with Roxas,” Riku cuts in before Ienzo can say anything blunt and rude. In response, Ienzo hits a button and a panel slides back, revealing a large metallic box with a heart insignia. Lea is the one to extract it, and he holds it gently in cupped hands.

“So she’s just sort of… sleeping, until we can give her a body, right?” he asks, but he’s smiling at Roxas with his usual confidence, and Roxas feels some of his own worries fade away. Ienzo makes a ‘tsk’ noise as though he’s about to argue semantics, but Sora snaps his fingers before he can say anything.

“CLOTHES!” he shouts, then laughs and lowers his voice before he continues, “We forgot to have clothes for Roxas when he woke up. I bet Kairi or Olette could help us find something that’ll work so it’s not, um, weird or anything.”

“Something blue, with seashells,” Roxas suggests immediately, then flushes as the others turned to look at him. “She… really liked visiting the Islands. We were gonna go to the beach and have ice cream together, all three of us.”

Sora is already texting Kairi, no doubt trying to coordinate a shopping trip, and Lea reverently puts the drive back in the computer and closes it up, giving it a gentle pat before turning away.

“This is definitely worth an ice cream celebration,” he says, grinning at Roxas and holding out his hand. Roxas takes it gladly, giving it a squeeze and leaning into Lea, content.

Sora opens his mouth, then closes it at Riku’s hand on his shoulder and subtle shake of his head. He pauses, thinking it over, then grins. “We’ll catch you guys later then. C’mon Ienzo, you need to get out of the lab sometime.”

“I still have data to--”

“Sunshine. Fresh Air. Gourmet cooking!” Sora insists, pulling the slight man out of his seat and dragging him towards the exit. “C’mon, the least you can do is come outside while I grill stuff. We’ll catch you guys later, ok?”

Roxas snorts at the deliberate attempt to give them some privacy, but he’s grateful. Riku closes up the rear so Ienzo can’t double-back to collect his notes, then Lea and Roxas are left alone in the room-- even Tron seems to have gone to sleep. Roxas puts a hand on the panel protecting Xion’s memories, his fingers tracing the outline.

“She’s gonna be ok,” he says, more to himself than Lea, but Lea uses his other hand to pull Roxas away from the computer and against him for a kiss.

“She’s gonna be ok,” Lea agrees when they break apart, and he grins, the smile reaching his eyes. “I was serious about the ice cream, though-- this warrants a celebration.”

“Isn’t it a little too early to celebrate our successes?” Roxas asks, although he’s happy to lean on Lea’s chest, arms looped loosely around Lea’s waist. He can feel Lea’s chuckle in response.

“You gotta celebrate the little victories,” Lea suggests, nuzzling Roxas’ hair. “I’m glad she’s gonna come back, but also… I’m glad you’re ok. You had me worried for a minute there.”

“I knew I was gonna be ok,” Roxas says, and he realizes that he did. The Blue Fairy’s visit helped, but there’s something else, something even more important, and he looks up at Lea, smile softening. “I knew that if something happened, you’d be there to bring me back.” Then he lifts up on his toes to give Lea another, longer kiss.

“Mm, now _that’s_ what I call icing on the cake,” Lea laughs, stealing another quick peck before Roxas pulls away and starts dragging him towards the stairs.

“You still owe me ice cream,” he says, leading him up the stairs and towards one of the side exits. There’ll be time for cookouts with the gang later. Today is for celebrating. He sneaks a sly smile back at Lea. “But maybe we can think about _other_ types of icing and cake, too.”

Lea grins, and there’s an even higher bounce in his step as they head out on their impromptu ice cream expedition. They watch the sunset as they eat their treats, and that night, it’s the best one yet.

  
~THE END~


End file.
